Le Femboy Ralphie

Femboys have always had a somewhat tumultuous and almost non-existent presence in the LGTB community, with little if any places to gather as a community and usually banned from most clubs or public places where most gather, usually bearing the stigma of age-play; so taking advantage of my recent prolific inspirational phase, I decided today to write a long promised article to my friend Ralphie, about femboys.

The femboy term is generally used to describe teens who dress like girls and are mostly gay, but surprisingly enough also includes some straight boys who enjoy the androgynous look; one question I have constantly asked myself when it comes to them is, why not go and make the switch to a full on female? why decide to be somewhere in the middle? specially knowing that it is so hard for femboys in SL.

Apparently becoming a femboy is a slow progression and you finally get there, with the full knowledge that it is who you are, like nekos identify as such or furries, or bears and so on. Femboys love girl clothes, the feel comfortable feeling cute and girly, but don't like being identified as girls because simply put, they are not girls. Femboys get most of their inspiration from Asians, Yaoi, Manga and borrow from the culture, being literally outsourced from it -and most are heavy Jpop or Kpop lovers-

There are a few projects coming and focused to the femboy community, but as far as right now, nothing -apart from Twinktown, which is basically aimed at cruising- exists for them to gather and grow as a community. If you are curious or need extra info about this community, on how to become one or where to get you started Femboy Hunt, or Ralphie's 2nd life Fashion show are good places to get you started, including useful links and general information about its presence in SL.

If I must be frank, I have never made a difference when it comes to people and communities in SL, I always relate to the person behind the avi and I have never managed to wrap my head around the witch hunt that the gay community has towards those who are shorter than average -but then again I already wrote about that, quick flashback here-. You are who you are and in SL of all places, you are who you choose to be, I have met real monsters that looked "normal" and have made the strongest friendships with people who did not fit a canon.

This article is dedicated to all of you, the Ralphies, The Cappys and the many others out there, who stand firm on what they believe and who they have decided to be, Kudos to you, like Lady Monster once said -and this coming from a woman who has worn meat- "put your paws up, because you were born this way"

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Pet Peeves

A Pet Peeve is defined as the urban dictionary online as an unpleasant experience you cannot control, or a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as disturbing to themselves. While having coffee with my son this morning we started discussing a number of things we both find annoying when cruising, namely our pet peeves.

Personally speaking I find that all is good and valid when it comes to looking for sex online, but I took the time today to gather a list of the most recurrent and common ones so you can finally figure out why is it that you are not getting as lucky as you would like, or why some days it just takes so long. -in no particular order, just listing them as they come to mind-.

1. Take care of your overall appearance: in RL the most common pet peeves would be excessive body hair, smelly feet or bad breath, some people can't help it but in SL you really have no excuse, if you go out looking for sex like you just came out of Quasimodo's dungeon except the wait to be long and frustrating and most likely ending with you getting off on porn.

2. Know your audience: if you are into BDSM or have a particular fetish, cruise around SIMS with like-minded individuals, if your English is not very good, then go somewhere with people who can speak your language, any public or common cruising areas will simply mean arduous work and the equivalent of trying to find a needle in a haystack.

3. Play it cool: Flirting is fine, so is leading the chat into sex but anything too forward might scare your potential mr. right now away, don't offer sex right off the bat... most people hate it and it makes you look desperate.

4. No pictures: Don't ask for RL pictures or cock sizes or anything too specific unless you are sure the person is comfortable with it and it is listed on their profile. Most people are simply not willing to give out that sort of specific information and will most likely end the chat.

5. Work it: Use your charms, read the profile, figure out what buttons to push and what will the person most likely respond positively to -in short, put some muscle into it-, you can even introduce that knowledge into the intercourse, that will have the person asking for seconds. If you have an empty profile it means that you can't really be bothered and people will react likewise, so try to put at least some basic info in your profile.

6. Begging is for the homeless: Even if the person you are talking to is a friend or someone known for being easy, do not beg for sex, don't play the pity card or pull the heart strings to try and get yourself inside their pants, some people require a lot of work but the result is always mind blowing sex.

7. Chemistry, Chemistry, Chemistry: Most of the hottest sex you will have with people, will be the produce of your chemistry, how you two interact and respond to each other. Myself and many of my friends have even had sextext -this is sex by IM- with a person that was not even on the same SIM to begin with and I think of this fondly, namely because of the chemistry. If it's not happening don't force it, move on and find someone better.

8. An Orgasm is not the final frontier: Cumming is not a goal on itself and you will not get there if you make it your primary objective. Saying that you are a top when you are a bottom will be very obvious when it comes to the intercourse, the same applies to DOMS and SUBS, don't switch roles on the fly just to get off, trust me on this the other person WILL notice.

9. Santa had a list, you can too: Finding people again and again for sex can be time consuming and exhausting. If you manage to friend and keep a few around, even better, not only your circle of friends will be richer, but you will always have someone handy to discretely get off.

10. Don't kiss and tell: Going around bragging who you have slept with and what you did is tacky, keep it to yourself if you expect an encore.

Remember the golden rule, the orgasm is not your goal, the actual intercourse is. Sex should always be a pleasurable experience, being one of those cases where the thing that matters the most is the journey, not the destination -yes even the flirting-. And don't get offended if you fail to comply to any of the above and get made fun of by either the person you are trying to get to sleep with you or their friends, it comes with the territory.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Choice

We are always presented with choices, everyday, each moment that passes and every decision we make, causes a slight turn in the path we follow making of this road we call life a winding one full of small possibilities that might change things for better or for worse.

I've always seen making a choice as diving into the sea or a lake, sometimes you are able to see the water you are plunging into, others you take a leap of faith or rely on hearsay to do it but in the end it is you the one who jumps into unknown waters.

Choosing and hence moving forward has always been driven by our need to seek and welcome change; you would think that with the many ups and downs and ongoing changes my life has always been through, I'd be one to happily welcome it, but my steady footing should never be confused with seeking change, in fact I am far from comfortable with it, but when I see that a situation around me has nothing else to offer me, I am more than happy to move onto better things, even if it means adventuring onto the unknown.

I chose 4 years ago to join SL and see what it had to offer, I and no other decided to move to the UK looking for better things, away from everything I knew as familiar and safe. I've chosen my friends and family in SL carefully and to this day, whenever it has been reciprocal, I have always welcomed anyone who has gone and come back with open arms, because that is what family is for after all, specially the one in SL which unlike in life, you choose.

If you are willing and able to take me into your life and make me a part of it, do it with everything I have to offer or don't do it at all, I am responsible for my own choices, past and future because when the time comes for me to move forward and take the plunge, I will do so with a steady pace and not even bat an eye.

It should be about that time when we all take responsibilities for things we do to ourselves and other people, instead of trying to hold others accountable for our own choices, that's like having an orgasm and then turning around and blaming the person next to you for it, no one forced you to strip and go through with it after all.

I make my own choices, I am responsible for my own actions and I will answer for them, eventually.

Happy Easter

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Faggot

It has always struck me as odd how some religious groups, fundamentalists and right wing supporters worldwide seem to think being gay is a life choice, a lifestyle and therefore basic citizen rights and human rights should be denied, since you simply "chose" wrong and should rectify immediately.

I remember when I chose to be gay, I had just been born and yelled and cried for a big long while, not at the prospect of finding pleasure in having intercourse with people of my same gender, but at the long winding road where people would simply assume I'd end up marrying a woman and people for years would either try to hook me up with one, expect me to "settle down" and "get over it", even well meaning family and friends.

But it wasn't as bad as I expected, after the initial coming out, the crying, the denial, the blame and the screaming, comes the acceptance and I know deep down -although I may not live to see this- that a day will come when your sexuality is not assumed but openly left for experimentation and seeing what feels right for you. The odd thing about coming out is that, as a gay man -or anything for the matter that falls out of the "norm"- you are constantly coming out, every time you meet someone new there comes a time when you just have to come out and say it -unless you are openly flamboyant or FABulous, in which case this last point is moot for you-, so in my particular case I just get it out of the way, introduce it in the conversation and clear the air from the very beginning.

In SL however different rules apply, the LGTB community and the "rest of the world" move in very different circles, so the chances of you going out clubbing to your particular choice of venue and running into someone who is not openly accepting of you and your "choices", are rather slim. I have always felt that the "governing bodies" that organise events for our gay community could be more inclusive and have a few lesbians, transgendered and even femboys alike being part of the main board for a wholesome representation, but then again that is a topic for another article.

Be as it may, don't judge and you shall not be judged, it is a concept that I not only try my best to live by, but have raised my boys under, you have to practise what you teach after all; you can't expect society to be accepting of you if you go around excluding others.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Benefits

Among the many things one gets to enjoy in second life, sex would be the top and foremost on my list, however, like many things people tend to over-complicate something as simple as sex online, but then again it being an imitation of life some drama is always expected, specially when dealing with primal urges and human emotions.

How many times have you heard of that friend -that one special friend we all have-, who just can't seem to be able to find happiness no matter how hard he tries and has made you go to his SL wedding, all four in less than a year?; truth be told, sex and love are not synonyms yet some tend to think they are. Mind blowing sex is not love, that's got a name already and is called lust.

One thing I have instilled on my kids as they were growing up in this complex virtual world is the simple fact that happiness is found in you and you have no one to answer to when it comes to it, other than yourself. My sons both are very sexually active -I am very much well aware- and both have struggled with finding the "right" person to settle down with, but like all things, this wait shall pass and the perfect someone will show up and make everything right.

In my particular case, I have found the perfect balance in a long term relationship with Hiro, while we both balance a few "friends with benefits" we have on the side, and this is the part where you wonder, why look for it out there when you have a loving partner at home you can use, abuse and experiment with?, simply because this is SL and sometimes getting organised around RL and the time difference is complex at best and I know -have the certainty even- that no matter who we entertain those empty hours when the urge comes a'knocking, that our hearts and feelings lie truly with each other.

Commitment and possession are far from being the same things and I have a few friends who struggle with this concept when facing SL relationships, oddly enough when it comes to RL relationships, I happen to be the most faithful partner out there but monogamy is simply a practice that doesn't seem to work when it comes to SL.

So if you have a few friends where the sexual tension is palpable, might as well give it a go; friends with benefits is an amazing invention, it is sex with a person you are close and comfortable with, where little instruction -if any- is needed, who most likely knows you well enough to know what buttons to push to drive you crazy and make of the intercourse a truly mind-blowing experience, where romantic love is simply not a factor.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

P.S: Big thanks to VICE POSES for providing poses for the article pics (link to the right) and to Andyy and my Son Zachy for posing for the pic, love you both.

CTRL +

Ever since I joined SL four years ago, there is something that -due to a number of good reasons- I have always strongly opposed to and that is the touchy and delicate subject of human slavery, or control for that matter, as a whole.

So on my way home from work today a good friend with a similar blog decided to write a blog post about that very subject, and his general perception of the appropriate protocols when it comes to public displays of fetishes -click here for a direct trip there-

I have to admit I agree wholeheartedly with many of the points he made when it comes with his subject, as you may already know -this is if you have been reading me for a while-, when it comes to sex I LOVE to experiment, specially in SL, if it's out there I'll try it at least once -unless it involves body fluids or matter, that you would generally dispose of by flushing- but all I have done once or a few times -if it gets my attention and I find it pleasurable enough to repeat- I have done in private, with no that many prying eyes and with just the right amount of people involved.

However, this very topic got me thinking about the many experiences I have gone through in SL, not only involving sex but the whole human experience, seen from the online / virtual reality perspective. Something I have always struggled with when it comes to regular social protocols inside the platform is control itself. Why is it that some people have a strong impulse to control EVERYTHING around them and others are happy to let themselves be led?

Then it simply dawned on me, the entire avatar experience is based on control, even when you are a sub and are being dragged around like a dog, you control this to an extent ; you and no other gets to decide the limits and what is it that you are comfortable with, you initially decide what your overall look is going to be, who you hang with, what sims and groups you will frequent and those you will proudly call close friends or even family.

I must be an exceptional case as -contrary to what many people assume- my SL has never been about control, I initially logged in to help me work on my socializing skills and as soon as I discovered how many things SL had to offer and how versatile it is, the sky was only the limit. I have always been driven by curiosity, a constant what if.

Keep in mind that out of respect for many users and readers out there, I must strongly stress the fact that I respect all fetishes and lifestyles alike, more so in SL, where social conventionalisms do not exist and your imagination is the limit, but don't expect people around you to bend over to your chosen way of life, control is not focused only on dominating and enforcing what you think or want on others, is also given when knowing to adopt a certain behaviour that will show others around you, how serious you are about your chosen nature inside that virtual platform most of us call a second home.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Psycho

As of late, with my RL being so busy and me spending so little time in second life, there haven't been that many reasons for me to write a blog post about something significant or which I feel needs to be shared -unless you care to hear about my children and how awesome they are for the millionth time-, so today I stumbled upon an article on the Huffington Post that I found absolutely brilliant and worth sharing; specially spot on for most dysfunctional second life relationships, which in consequence compelled me to sit and write about it.

"10 signs your man is a psychopath" laid out in front of me, clear signs of manipulation that you go through when in a relationship with one, but in most cases whilst blinded by love and devotion and a great number of factors, you brush them off with the excuse "I'm just being silly, he's a good man and he loves me"; in fact you are NOT being silly and you certainly deserve better.

I am by far and in no way perfect, but I believe I have found great balance in my current relationship with a man who like me, is not perfect -and whined about me forcing him to be in the picture for the article- but loves me for who I am, criticizes me when I need to hear it and is my greatest pillar when I need one and a good friend to my boys.

As I kept on reading through the article, red flags kept going off and I shook my head saying, why did I not see this then?, I was Love bombed so he could sweep me off my feet, seemed perfect and very much like me in every single possible way, was mysteriously and suddenly sick and got better overnight; the sex was amazing but at some point he could never find the time and would make it sound like I was sex obsessed and he simply was doing it "for me". As soon as I tried to pull away -the minute I worked up the nerve to actually do it- he kept trying to get me back, that is until Hiro came along, then there was simply no turning back.

The sad part is that this affects a larger group of people that one would think and most are completely unaware of having been on one at all, so do yourself a favor, read the article linked above and if you feel you have been or are the victim of a psycho, get some help starting here: Psychopath Free, where they offer information and support.

It really makes no difference if the relationship has been in RL or SL, the mental debris and after effects affects us all. If you feel someone is being victimized or going through something like this but are unaware, do them a favor and share this.

My story has a happy ending but this might not be the case for some out there, who realize what they are in for, and it is too late.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls