Pride & Joy

WOW! Has it really been a month since my last post? well in my defense I have been really busy, but thankfully, things are somewhat settled on this end, so I decided I'd give today a try and post something

One of the greatest adventures one can start in life, this being in SL or RL, would be that of parenting; starting a family with nothing but your hopes and dreams and a clear idea of that perfect happiness you have envisioned. Many people often ask me why did I decide to become a parent, what drove me to that place where I felt that loving someone unconditionally was something I wanted to endure?

Parenting is no picnic, your kids take your time, your energy, most of the time they will even test your patience just for the fun of it, and yes there will be times when you just want to wrap your hands around their necks until they turn in several shades of purple whilst you find yourself wondering where did they pick those nasty habits that are driving you insane from and chuckle at the realization the source is none other than you.

But then again, the time finally comes when they grow up to be good men -or women-, and the fruit of your efforts is finally obvious, there for the world to see and you totally get parental bragging rights because that much awesome that makes you proud and induces a sense of joy that you can only experience as a parent is a direct result of all that arguing, fighting, struggling to get them to see that all you did and do for them comes out of love and experience, because you were there, you have done it and most of the time you want to spare them the pain of going through the same you did when confronted with the same situation.

Parenting in SL also fulfills a need, which is reciprocal like most relationships but if done right, it is virtually unbreakable. I you are waiting for the perfect time to start your own family and become a parent, stop waiting and just do it, if you keep waiting for the perfect time, chances are it will never arrive.

This one goes out dedicated to my two boys, Zachy and Skylar; not only do they make me proud, but are also the reason I get up in the morning and keep trying, they turned out to be better than what I had initially expected or could have hoped for, I only wish that you, the reader can experience this first hand, as difficult as parenting is, I'd never trade it for anything else in the world.

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mommy

It is no secret that, personally speaking, my father was one of the most important role models and influential personalities in my life, but this being mother's day - at least in the US and most American countries - it would only be fair to give you an inside look about my mother and why I personally think that mothers are pretty awesome too.

When you are a boy and are growing up, most of the time your father becomes not only your friend but also your accomplice, he has your back and covers for you on many things you truly hope your mother won't ever find out, so mothers not only care for you, raise you, clean you, feed you, tell you right from wrong and even sacrifice their own free time so you grow up to be a decent human being, but also risk most of the times to become your worst enemy when they prevent you from doing things that they know for a fact won't do you any good.

My mother filled all of that description and even now, after these many years and after having lost my father - which was rather tough of her -, I still try my best to make her feel I'm there and be appreciative of everything she did for me as I was growing up, so I would not do without those things that she knew I could profit from in the future.

My mother taught us to love books, to read and find leisure in them: she taught us that you didn't always need to fight and no one HAD TO endure anything, or put up with anything and that everything you did in life was entirely consensual - so the excuse of, he/she made me never worked with her -

But my mother showed me - and still does - what unconditional love is, what is to love your child as nothing else in the world, even if at times your love makes them hate you from time to time: something I have come to experience as a parent.

So today - and why not at least once a week - make sure you make your mother feel special, because remember, no one MADE HER have you, no one FORCED HER to have you, she had a choice when you were conceived, when you were raised and she still does now that you are an adult, all those things she did and still does for you, is because she wants to, so make she knows for certain how appreciative you are.

Happy Mother's day mommy!

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Unconditional

Of all the adventures a person can engage in life, parenting would be the boldest, so many people ask, if SL is so varied and full of options, why willingly become a parent inside the platform?

The way parenting happened to me, it was like being knocked up after prom night, I didn't look for it, I sure did not want it or even knew it was happening to me until I was knee deep; do I regret it? I truly don't or I wouldn't have gone to adding 2 more sons to my happy family bliss.

I truly believe that even though second life is in essence a recreational platform, we all come out of it everyday learning something new about ourselves, parenting has taught me the one thing that always confused me about my relationship with my father, and that was the puzzling fact that no matter what I did or say, at the end of the day -or sometimes the next morning, depending on how badly I had screwed up-, he loved me unconditionally and I could sleep better at night knowing that he had my back, every step of the way.

When I log off every night and say good night to my kids and log back in early in the morning to enjoy my coffee with my eldest, I know for certain what I get out of my second life parenting experience, and that's the privilege of experiencing unconditional love, knowing that they are mine and I am theirs and that at the end of the day, no one and nothing will be able to break that bond, a useful thing to have in SL or in life in general when people to trust seem to be less and less.

So today on this spirit day, if you have children, remind them on how special and priceless they are, and if you are a teen or a young adult struggling with bullying, seek support and advice from your parents, they probably went through the same at some point and know that no one will love you more and more endlessly than them -we love you so much we even risk having you hate us when we have to make the hard choices for your own good-, you are after all their most priced possession.

Thanks Sey, Zachy and Skylar... you do make me proud. Happy spirit day

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Letting go

Life is a constant ride of ups and downs, a continuous change and progression, for better or for worse but it does happen; at time the best choice to move ahead is to let go of things or people that are in a way or another standing in the way of your evolution.

Over the past few days and even weeks, many things have happened that have inspired me to write this piece, mostly because first of all I have been the victim and direct target of people that simply refuse to let go, get bored of me and move on to better things, but then again SL does offer people that fit this profile the perfect ground to live their psychosis as they see fit.

The whole concept of letting go is putting an end to pain and suffering, closing the door to things that keep us from being better individuals and it all may not always seem like a bad thing, sometimes we must let go of those things we hold precious, for our own good; this might be moving to another country, buying a new car or sometimes even giving RL some preference and -if applicable- maybe do some actual socializing with "real" people.

In RL there were two people that I considered precious and did not conceive life without, my father and my childhood friend -later to be my BF-, they both on their own areas made me the man I am today, there's a lot of my father in Spike and in the way I face parenting my three kids and for that there's not a day I am not entirely grateful to have fallen in such capable hands while growing up.

My childhood friend and first boyfriend ever however -and this is the part where I get personal and give you all a glimpse on my past-, made such a difference in my adult life and on how I engage relationships, that I recently realized that without letting go of the standards he set -quite high-, there won't be a chance for me to actually have a normal, well adjusted relationship.

Yes, he was unique, nothing will ever compare to him and I hate every day life for taking him away from me too early; but then again, doesn't this apply to all relationships? and I mean the fact that each person is different and they do in fact have different things to offer and outlooks on relationships and what they want out of them?

So I will stop looking for him, expecting my partner to live up to his standards; I did love him and love him still, but it's time to move on and let go, a concept many out there -haters and fans alike- should apply to their own lives.

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Ignorance is Bliss...

Unless you are already ignorant, then the whole happy principle negates itself, you don't know you why you are happy, since you don't know to be living in ignorance, but sometimes information can truly rain on your parade and there are some things that -at least in my particular case- I am happy not knowing.

Both my sons are sexually active, I know this to be true and I rather not know the details, only thing that matters is the sound knowledge that they are being responsible while doing so; now when it comes to relationships there are things that are rather not shared with your other half -those that look best under a veil of mystery-, even if communication is THE KEY for any romantic relationship to work, some information is better not said or shared -this is where trust comes into play-.

But what happens to those who think they know -and are in fact under the wrong belief they hold the absolute truth-, when they truly don't know half the story? Is it your unspoken duty to ruin the mirage of truth they have built around themselves?, my take on this would be that if it doesn't directly affect you, it'd be best to let them live in that fantasy they enjoy so much, because unless you are frontally asked to reveal the truth to them, you'll come as the bad guy -he who destroyed that marvelous fantasy world it had taken them so long to build-

Second life is no different to life itself, even more so because no matter how real it may seem to some long term users and how intense your feelings for your lover, SL family and so on, it is based on a virtual reality we create ourselves and for ourselves.

So keep it real, and if you don't want to know the truth, don't ask.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Thank you Papa

When father's day was initially suggested and coined, many people laughed at the concept finding the need of such celebration simply pointless; after all, fathers had always been the providers and patriarchs of most families world-wide, so the recognition was already there, why add another holiday to something that for most people was already obvious?

I can't speak on everyone's behalf, but the person that I am in RL and SL is largely due to my father's influence; I would most likely not be half the man and father I am now if it hadn't been for him. My dad was not an educated man, he didn't have any fancy degrees or education to brag about but I've always considered him a very wise man.

One of the things that Second life as a lifestyle / platform has enabled me to do, is to experience parenting first hand and hopefully honor his memory, by passing on to my sons most of what I learned from him about life and how to be a decent man with strong ethics; my father was truly the first man I loved, there's not a day I don't miss talking to him, but I do have all of the times we spent together and I know for sure that when I am having quality time with Skylar or lecturing Seymour about things he's forgotten to do, I have the certainty that he's standing by my side smiling, shaking his head and most likely saying "you were a lot worse"

I love you and miss you Papa, I wish you were here to see the man and father Spike has become. Happy father's day to all of the RL and SL fathers out there, make it a good one!

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Slipping Through my fingers

Growing up is a part of life, this being second life or real life -or any other virtual platform you may have built bonds at- and as parents it is our only wish and goal in life to see that our children grow up to be happy and become useful members of society.

Second life time moves differently -mostly due to the fact that the evolution of you virtual persona happens a lot faster with the right resources-, some changes which occur in the platform would most likely take years in a real life situation.

2012 has been a year of sudden -yet expected changes-, my youngest son Seymour starts seriously dating a guy and making plans for both their futures and my oldest Skylar is going through some changes as well -all of them positive-. By looking at them and how they conduct themselves in second life and while socializing with others, I can't help but smile knowing that I may not be such a horrible father after all -a bit overprotective at times- and that I have done a decent job to the best of my abilities, there is no instruction manual on how to be a good parent and most of us simply learn as we go.

Then I browsed through my social platforms this morning -as a ritually do while I wait for Sky to log for our ritual morning coffee- and stumbled upon this song posted on my Facebook wall, which compelled me to write this article, because it is a faithful reflection of the feelings we parents experience as our children grow up.

It's complex because on the one hand you are happy they are doing well in life and you know that you are somewhat responsible for it, but on the other hand you feel they are slipping through your fingers -and the feeling of losing them is a scary one-, but life does that in all our aspects, this is just a bit more obvious.

After a long and thoughtful reflection I have come to the conclusion that if you've done a good job, there's no losing involved; it's still parenting, just under a different scenario. Do take time to enjoy every minute with your loved ones, whether you are a parent or a son/daughter, you never know when life will come and change things and you certainly don't want to look back and wonder what if...

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Crecer es parte de la vida, ya sea esta el second life ó la vida real -o cualquier otra plataforma virtual en la que hayas creado vínculos- y como padre es tu único deseo y meta en la vida de que tus hijos crezcan siendo felices y se vuelvan miembros útiles de la sociedad.

El tiempo en el second life se mueve de manera distinta -debido en gran parte a que la evolución de tu persona virtual ocurre de manera más rápida con los recursos adecuados-, algunos de los cambios que ocurren en la plataforma tardarían años en pasar en una situación de la vida real.

El 2012 ha sido un año de cambios repentinos -aunque esperados y positivos-, my hijo más pequeño Seymour está saliendo en serio con un chico y ambos están haciendo planes para su futuro juntos y el mayor Skylar está también pasando por algunos cambios -todos positivos-. Al verlos y en el cómo se comportan en situaciones sociales, no puedo dejar de sonreir sabiendo que a lo mejor no soy un padre tan horrible -un poco sobre protector a veces- y que he hecho una labor algo decente dentro de mis posibilidades, no hay un libro de instrucciones para ser buen padre y la gra mayoría aprendemos sobre la marcha.


Hoy por la mañana hice una breve revisión por todas mis plataformas sociales -cómo hago de manera ritual mientras espero que mi hijo el mayor se conecte para nuestro acostumbrado café- y me encontré con este video posteado en mi muro de Facebook, lo que me inspiró a escribir este artículo, porque es un reflejo muy real de los sentimientos que los padres experimentamos cuando nuestros hijos se hace mayores.

Es complejo porque por un lado estás feliz de que les vaya bien en la vida y que ha cierto nivel eres responsable de esto, pero por otro lado sientes de que se te escurren de tus dedos -y este sentimiento de pérdida es uno que asusta-, pero la vida hace esto en todos los aspectos, sólo que este es más obvio.

Después de una larga reflección he llegado a la conclusión de que si has hecho un buen trabajo, no hay una pérdida real; sigues siendo su padre, sólo es el escenario el que cambia. Tómate el tiempo de disfrutar de tus seres querido, ya seas padre ó hijo, nunca sabes cuando la vida vendrá y cambiará las cosas y estoy seguro de que no querrás mirar atrás y preguntarte que hubiera pasado si....

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