Pride & Joy

WOW! Has it really been a month since my last post? well in my defense I have been really busy, but thankfully, things are somewhat settled on this end, so I decided I'd give today a try and post something

One of the greatest adventures one can start in life, this being in SL or RL, would be that of parenting; starting a family with nothing but your hopes and dreams and a clear idea of that perfect happiness you have envisioned. Many people often ask me why did I decide to become a parent, what drove me to that place where I felt that loving someone unconditionally was something I wanted to endure?

Parenting is no picnic, your kids take your time, your energy, most of the time they will even test your patience just for the fun of it, and yes there will be times when you just want to wrap your hands around their necks until they turn in several shades of purple whilst you find yourself wondering where did they pick those nasty habits that are driving you insane from and chuckle at the realization the source is none other than you.

But then again, the time finally comes when they grow up to be good men -or women-, and the fruit of your efforts is finally obvious, there for the world to see and you totally get parental bragging rights because that much awesome that makes you proud and induces a sense of joy that you can only experience as a parent is a direct result of all that arguing, fighting, struggling to get them to see that all you did and do for them comes out of love and experience, because you were there, you have done it and most of the time you want to spare them the pain of going through the same you did when confronted with the same situation.

Parenting in SL also fulfills a need, which is reciprocal like most relationships but if done right, it is virtually unbreakable. I you are waiting for the perfect time to start your own family and become a parent, stop waiting and just do it, if you keep waiting for the perfect time, chances are it will never arrive.

This one goes out dedicated to my two boys, Zachy and Skylar; not only do they make me proud, but are also the reason I get up in the morning and keep trying, they turned out to be better than what I had initially expected or could have hoped for, I only wish that you, the reader can experience this first hand, as difficult as parenting is, I'd never trade it for anything else in the world.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Daddy

The first man I loved was my father, he was big and strong; he would carry me in his arms when the floor was dirty and scare away the monsters under my bed. He used to sing to me, keep me safe and explained the world to me. He's gone now, but I can still feel his love and his arms protecting me from harm; when the time came and he got sick, I sang to him, kept him safe and scared the monsters under his bed, held his hand when he needed me the most and made sure, without the need for words that he felt and knew how much I loved him, without any room for doubt, as he deserved nothing less.

The last week he was in the hospital, he would still flirt up a storm with the nurses, which made him very popular; due to RL constrains I could not visit him as much as I would have liked, most likely because a part of me refused to believe he'd be gone soon. My father was very self aware about his looks -he was a very handsome man, even in his old age- but refused to be shaved by anyone on the floor, he wanted me to be there and do it for him -and like I said it took me a few days to make it to the hospital-. When I finally made it, I was the one to shave him after quite a few days; he died the next day.

I have spent most of my adult life, and more so now that I have kids, making sure I get to be at least half the father mine was, and quite inevitably something that you fight most of your young life so it won't happen, I have seen more and more of my father in me -which is never a bad thing when you had the father I have- and strange as it may sound, I have honored his memory by passing onto my SL sons what he taught me, trying to make of them better men -so there is also a bit of my father in them too-. Zachy the people magnet, the one everyone instantly loves and asks for when he's not around and Skylar, the strong silent type who lives to do right by others.

I do not know what the future holds for me, but for what is worth I am happy that life -and more so SL- gave me a chance to experience parenting first hand, unlike RL, those who become parents do so on their own choosing and after having given this some thought. To all of those SL fathers out there and even the great examples to follow in RL of loving dedicated parents, I wish you all a happy father's day.

It takes an average man to make a child, it takes a great man to make that child a good man. I can only hope I am half the dad mine was.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Letter to me

A few days ago, a new "privilege" was added to the many tasks I have to oversee on my RL job, and this one would be of making a playlist of songs, guess word got around somehow on what I do on my free time, but I readily agreed to engage in such a task, since not only do I love sharing music but how it can alter moods, trigger memories and so on; music is simply put one of the best things mankind has, but I am drifting from the topic.

I put a lot into the songs that, not only had some meaning to me but that carried the right message or mood, and of course I had to include one of my son's favorite performers, Brad Paisley. The one song that inspired this article would be "letter to me", the song had me wondering about the things I would tell myself, or the me from the past if I could.

Would I try to rectify my past mistakes and errors of judgement? Very unlikely, I still believe to this day that we always learn from everything we do, even the hard things in life that feel are going to split us in half come with a lesson, life is nothing but a constant learning experience. I'd ask myself to just hang in there and remember that nothing is as bad as it seems and that believe it or not, you have more guts that you give yourself credit for.

I wouldn't discourage myself from ever creating "Spike", who is in fact a lot more me than I'd like to admit; I know there will be times when I will seriously consider just giving up and find myself something better to do with my free time, but then I'd miss out on the greatest gifts the platform has given me, my sons, we may fight at times, disagree a lot but having them in my life, all thanks to SL has no price; I would beg myself to not be so trusting, specially when it comes to "friends" in the platform, quick with a smile and praise, but nowhere to be seen when things get difficult.

And I'd beg me to hug my RL dad, a lot... I wish I could do it a lot now and hear him complain about it, but sadly I can't. The best advice I could give myself (and potential SL users) is that as real and intense as SL relationships may feel, it is still SL, very few lucky ones have found true love in there and to be frank? being single is not the end of the world and in your case, being single seems to be the best state for you.

I'd end my letter to me giving me the best advice a parent can receive, which would be to cut my boys some slack from time to time, just because you know better doesn't mean that they have to do as you say all the time, life is after all a constant learning experience.

P.S. Try not to be too sad when they grow up and wonder off and don't visit as much, it just means you did a good job.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

mommy

It is no secret that, personally speaking, my father was one of the most important role models and influential personalities in my life, but this being mother's day - at least in the US and most American countries - it would only be fair to give you an inside look about my mother and why I personally think that mothers are pretty awesome too.

When you are a boy and are growing up, most of the time your father becomes not only your friend but also your accomplice, he has your back and covers for you on many things you truly hope your mother won't ever find out, so mothers not only care for you, raise you, clean you, feed you, tell you right from wrong and even sacrifice their own free time so you grow up to be a decent human being, but also risk most of the times to become your worst enemy when they prevent you from doing things that they know for a fact won't do you any good.

My mother filled all of that description and even now, after these many years and after having lost my father - which was rather tough of her -, I still try my best to make her feel I'm there and be appreciative of everything she did for me as I was growing up, so I would not do without those things that she knew I could profit from in the future.

My mother taught us to love books, to read and find leisure in them: she taught us that you didn't always need to fight and no one HAD TO endure anything, or put up with anything and that everything you did in life was entirely consensual - so the excuse of, he/she made me never worked with her -

But my mother showed me - and still does - what unconditional love is, what is to love your child as nothing else in the world, even if at times your love makes them hate you from time to time: something I have come to experience as a parent.

So today - and why not at least once a week - make sure you make your mother feel special, because remember, no one MADE HER have you, no one FORCED HER to have you, she had a choice when you were conceived, when you were raised and she still does now that you are an adult, all those things she did and still does for you, is because she wants to, so make she knows for certain how appreciative you are.

Happy Mother's day mommy!

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Unconditional

Of all the adventures a person can engage in life, parenting would be the boldest, so many people ask, if SL is so varied and full of options, why willingly become a parent inside the platform?

The way parenting happened to me, it was like being knocked up after prom night, I didn't look for it, I sure did not want it or even knew it was happening to me until I was knee deep; do I regret it? I truly don't or I wouldn't have gone to adding 2 more sons to my happy family bliss.

I truly believe that even though second life is in essence a recreational platform, we all come out of it everyday learning something new about ourselves, parenting has taught me the one thing that always confused me about my relationship with my father, and that was the puzzling fact that no matter what I did or say, at the end of the day -or sometimes the next morning, depending on how badly I had screwed up-, he loved me unconditionally and I could sleep better at night knowing that he had my back, every step of the way.

When I log off every night and say good night to my kids and log back in early in the morning to enjoy my coffee with my eldest, I know for certain what I get out of my second life parenting experience, and that's the privilege of experiencing unconditional love, knowing that they are mine and I am theirs and that at the end of the day, no one and nothing will be able to break that bond, a useful thing to have in SL or in life in general when people to trust seem to be less and less.

So today on this spirit day, if you have children, remind them on how special and priceless they are, and if you are a teen or a young adult struggling with bullying, seek support and advice from your parents, they probably went through the same at some point and know that no one will love you more and more endlessly than them -we love you so much we even risk having you hate us when we have to make the hard choices for your own good-, you are after all their most priced possession.

Thanks Sey, Zachy and Skylar... you do make me proud. Happy spirit day

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Letting go

Life is a constant ride of ups and downs, a continuous change and progression, for better or for worse but it does happen; at time the best choice to move ahead is to let go of things or people that are in a way or another standing in the way of your evolution.

Over the past few days and even weeks, many things have happened that have inspired me to write this piece, mostly because first of all I have been the victim and direct target of people that simply refuse to let go, get bored of me and move on to better things, but then again SL does offer people that fit this profile the perfect ground to live their psychosis as they see fit.

The whole concept of letting go is putting an end to pain and suffering, closing the door to things that keep us from being better individuals and it all may not always seem like a bad thing, sometimes we must let go of those things we hold precious, for our own good; this might be moving to another country, buying a new car or sometimes even giving RL some preference and -if applicable- maybe do some actual socializing with "real" people.

In RL there were two people that I considered precious and did not conceive life without, my father and my childhood friend -later to be my BF-, they both on their own areas made me the man I am today, there's a lot of my father in Spike and in the way I face parenting my three kids and for that there's not a day I am not entirely grateful to have fallen in such capable hands while growing up.

My childhood friend and first boyfriend ever however -and this is the part where I get personal and give you all a glimpse on my past-, made such a difference in my adult life and on how I engage relationships, that I recently realized that without letting go of the standards he set -quite high-, there won't be a chance for me to actually have a normal, well adjusted relationship.

Yes, he was unique, nothing will ever compare to him and I hate every day life for taking him away from me too early; but then again, doesn't this apply to all relationships? and I mean the fact that each person is different and they do in fact have different things to offer and outlooks on relationships and what they want out of them?

So I will stop looking for him, expecting my partner to live up to his standards; I did love him and love him still, but it's time to move on and let go, a concept many out there -haters and fans alike- should apply to their own lives.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Bulletproof

After a day full of RL experiences, -such as this one- most of the time -and for a number of reasons I'll leave unexplained- I enjoy having some privacy and quiet time focused and dedicated to "my second life", while browsing through various pages trying to stay informed on what is going on with my loved ones, far and near.

Today while doing all of the above, I stumbled upon a few statements that I identified with and would like to elaborate on; one of them spoke about parenting, from a parent's perspective and it stated that becoming a parent is one of the bravest things a person can do -something I openly agree on-, when you become a parent you are bound to love that person that is a part of you unconditionally, no matter what he/she does or says, at the end of the day they are your progeny.

You also live in the constant fear of losing them, of risking them hating you when you are only trying to do what's best for them -but most of the times they just don't see-, you want them to be happy but secretly you also want them to be a reflection of you and at the end of the day to depend on you, but they are nothing but a loan that life has given you. SL has given me many things and my two kids are one of those things I'll be forever grateful, they have made me a better man in all aspects possible and have taught me to see beyond the obvious.

Now the second topic intertwined with this one would be happiness. What makes us happy? is this virtual / alternate life that we combine with our complex RL making you happiness? Did you start on your SL experience to find happiness?. Like the song says, I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose... after so many years, knowing that the ones I love, love me back for who I am and are not going anywhere and all I have is produce of hard work and gives me enough time and room to combine both my lives, I feel truly blessed and rich in many ways.

I don't need millions to be happy, I am happy with what I have and having lost and gained in life, having the certainty that nothing in life is permanent, I bask in every minute I spend living life -this being exploring RL or SL, spending time with my sons, taking pride and care in my work or DJing, I am truly bulletproof... so fire away.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Thank you Papa

When father's day was initially suggested and coined, many people laughed at the concept finding the need of such celebration simply pointless; after all, fathers had always been the providers and patriarchs of most families world-wide, so the recognition was already there, why add another holiday to something that for most people was already obvious?

I can't speak on everyone's behalf, but the person that I am in RL and SL is largely due to my father's influence; I would most likely not be half the man and father I am now if it hadn't been for him. My dad was not an educated man, he didn't have any fancy degrees or education to brag about but I've always considered him a very wise man.

One of the things that Second life as a lifestyle / platform has enabled me to do, is to experience parenting first hand and hopefully honor his memory, by passing on to my sons most of what I learned from him about life and how to be a decent man with strong ethics; my father was truly the first man I loved, there's not a day I don't miss talking to him, but I do have all of the times we spent together and I know for sure that when I am having quality time with Skylar or lecturing Seymour about things he's forgotten to do, I have the certainty that he's standing by my side smiling, shaking his head and most likely saying "you were a lot worse"

I love you and miss you Papa, I wish you were here to see the man and father Spike has become. Happy father's day to all of the RL and SL fathers out there, make it a good one!

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Slipping Through my fingers

Growing up is a part of life, this being second life or real life -or any other virtual platform you may have built bonds at- and as parents it is our only wish and goal in life to see that our children grow up to be happy and become useful members of society.

Second life time moves differently -mostly due to the fact that the evolution of you virtual persona happens a lot faster with the right resources-, some changes which occur in the platform would most likely take years in a real life situation.

2012 has been a year of sudden -yet expected changes-, my youngest son Seymour starts seriously dating a guy and making plans for both their futures and my oldest Skylar is going through some changes as well -all of them positive-. By looking at them and how they conduct themselves in second life and while socializing with others, I can't help but smile knowing that I may not be such a horrible father after all -a bit overprotective at times- and that I have done a decent job to the best of my abilities, there is no instruction manual on how to be a good parent and most of us simply learn as we go.

Then I browsed through my social platforms this morning -as a ritually do while I wait for Sky to log for our ritual morning coffee- and stumbled upon this song posted on my Facebook wall, which compelled me to write this article, because it is a faithful reflection of the feelings we parents experience as our children grow up.

It's complex because on the one hand you are happy they are doing well in life and you know that you are somewhat responsible for it, but on the other hand you feel they are slipping through your fingers -and the feeling of losing them is a scary one-, but life does that in all our aspects, this is just a bit more obvious.

After a long and thoughtful reflection I have come to the conclusion that if you've done a good job, there's no losing involved; it's still parenting, just under a different scenario. Do take time to enjoy every minute with your loved ones, whether you are a parent or a son/daughter, you never know when life will come and change things and you certainly don't want to look back and wonder what if...

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Crecer es parte de la vida, ya sea esta el second life ó la vida real -o cualquier otra plataforma virtual en la que hayas creado vínculos- y como padre es tu único deseo y meta en la vida de que tus hijos crezcan siendo felices y se vuelvan miembros útiles de la sociedad.

El tiempo en el second life se mueve de manera distinta -debido en gran parte a que la evolución de tu persona virtual ocurre de manera más rápida con los recursos adecuados-, algunos de los cambios que ocurren en la plataforma tardarían años en pasar en una situación de la vida real.

El 2012 ha sido un año de cambios repentinos -aunque esperados y positivos-, my hijo más pequeño Seymour está saliendo en serio con un chico y ambos están haciendo planes para su futuro juntos y el mayor Skylar está también pasando por algunos cambios -todos positivos-. Al verlos y en el cómo se comportan en situaciones sociales, no puedo dejar de sonreir sabiendo que a lo mejor no soy un padre tan horrible -un poco sobre protector a veces- y que he hecho una labor algo decente dentro de mis posibilidades, no hay un libro de instrucciones para ser buen padre y la gra mayoría aprendemos sobre la marcha.


Hoy por la mañana hice una breve revisión por todas mis plataformas sociales -cómo hago de manera ritual mientras espero que mi hijo el mayor se conecte para nuestro acostumbrado café- y me encontré con este video posteado en mi muro de Facebook, lo que me inspiró a escribir este artículo, porque es un reflejo muy real de los sentimientos que los padres experimentamos cuando nuestros hijos se hace mayores.

Es complejo porque por un lado estás feliz de que les vaya bien en la vida y que ha cierto nivel eres responsable de esto, pero por otro lado sientes de que se te escurren de tus dedos -y este sentimiento de pérdida es uno que asusta-, pero la vida hace esto en todos los aspectos, sólo que este es más obvio.

Después de una larga reflección he llegado a la conclusión de que si has hecho un buen trabajo, no hay una pérdida real; sigues siendo su padre, sólo es el escenario el que cambia. Tómate el tiempo de disfrutar de tus seres querido, ya seas padre ó hijo, nunca sabes cuando la vida vendrá y cambiará las cosas y estoy seguro de que no querrás mirar atrás y preguntarte que hubiera pasado si....

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Meet the boyfriend

As a parent, all you want out of life is that your kids are healthy, happy and well adjusted and on that road to happiness you can be regarded as the protective hell hound by all potentials who want to take away your precious little angels' virtues.

I am in no way fooling myself, both my sons are grown, so they are obviously sexually active, I simply rather both avoid and ignore the topic. Last night between nervous giggles and past negative experiences on his part when it came to dating, my youngest Seymour decided it was time I met "Mr. right" -or at least his idea of it-.

Seymour is a sweetheart, but his taste in men can be, to put it nicely, rather creative -most couldn't make full sentences that didn't include the word sex somewhere- and he had never taken the time to have me formally meet anyone, so I knew this had meaning. I must say that after what seemed a really long hour and a half -yes I counted- of me being inquisitive with the right amount of scary, I can publicly admit I like this new guy. He's verbose, complex, protective of my son -but not overly so and is also a single dad of baby twins.

You can't stop from feeling old when your son shows up at home with his other half, but it's a good thing. It means it's serious and he has taken the time to enjoy the dating process and is ready to move forward and make this person a significant part of his life; in our heads our children will always be those shriveled innocent little creatures that needed constant attention and supervision -no matter how old they get-, something they fail to see at times.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Como padre, todo lo que quieres en la vida es que tus hijos estén sanos, sean felices y seres bien ajustados a la sociedad y en su largo recorrido en busqueda de la felicidad puedes ser visto por todos aquellos novios potenciales como el perro del infierno que guarda las virtudes de sus angelitos, de todos aquellos que intentan acceder a ellas.


No intento engañarme, mis hijos están crecidos, así que son obviamente sexualmente activos, pero puesto de manera simple, prefiero ignorar ó discutir el tema. Anoche entre risas nerviosas y experiencias negativas pasadas cuando se trataba de buscar un novio formal, mi pequeño Seymour decidió que era hora de que yo conociera a "el indicado" -ó por lo menos su idea del mismo-

Seymour es un cielo, pero su elección de novios puede caer en lo creativo -la mayoría no podían hacer una oración completa que no incluyera la palabra sexo en algún lado- y nunca se había tomado la molestia de presentarme a nadie de manera formal, así que sabía que este gesto tenía significado. Debo decir que después de lo que fué una largísima hora y media -si, la conté- de preguntas incisivas con pequeñas dosis de miedo y pánico por mi parte hacia el novio en cuestión, puedo admitir publicamente que me gusta el nuevo chico. Tiene una conversación fluída, es complejo, protector -pero no demasiado- y es también padre de dos bebés gemelos.

No puedes dejar de sentirmte viejo cuando uno de tus hijos se aparece en casa con su otra mitad, pero todo esto es positivo. Quiere decir que es una relación seria y que ambos se han tomado el tiempo para salir y conocerse a fondo y están listos para hacer progresos juntos; en nuestras mentes como padres, nuestros hijos serán siempre esas criaturas delicadas e inocentes que requerían atención constante -da igual cuán mayores se hagan-, algo que parecen ellos no ven a veces.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

My Christmas Wish List

As a person, before and above being a gay man, like all people there are many things I'd wish to see under the tree; we all have objects we want and hope to get for Christmas, most of them due to our exposure to the information we are bombarded with daily, but there are a number of other things of more relevance you want, depending on who are you in life and on what social sector you're in.

As a gay father I want my gay sons to grow up happy, safe and in a world where they will not suffer what I went through when coming out, a society where kids will not be bullied into suicide and bullies will not walk out unpunished. I want sexuality to no longer be an issue and your orientation not being assumed as "straight" by your parents or relatives, because it what is expected or regarded as normal. I want them both to know that above all, their happiness it's my goal, even to the point of risking them hating me on occasion for trying to get them there.

As a family member, I want to spend the holidays with my real life and second life relatives, share the joy of Christmas -or whatever it is that you celebrate- and be reminded that, no matter how hard our times might be, we have each other and there are things worth celebrating and fighting for.

As a public figure, it is my constant wish to inspire, to make people think and to entertain, share my words, my designs and my music with them who wish to; sometimes I push the limits while getting there, but life is not conventional, or at least not in the way I see it, it's an adventure worth to be flavored and enjoyed.

Once again and hoping you have a happy and safe holiday season with your loved ones, A very Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

We are Family

We have already established that second life is the wonderful virtual platform where you utilise those skills you already possess in RL and do everything you are no able to do, whether this will be to be a werewolf, a fairy, live in a floating home, fly, join a war and not be harmed; but what about families? What leads a person in the gay community to start a family and have offspring? and how do you go about doing that?

There are many ways to get into adopting a child, teenager or adult to call your son or daughter in SL and start your own idea of family bliss. In my own personal case, I did not use an adoption agency. I always half-jokingly say that Skylar was brain-conceived. We met, talked, hit it off in a non sexual way, he’d start coming to me for advice and before I knew it, we were father and son and our lives have never been the same ever since. I believe this experience has made us both better men and has also enriched our lives.

I have run into a few against the idea of SL families, adoptions or even adults playing children, but do bear in mind that most of the people who resort to adoption or playing a child avatar, who his looking to be adopted is probably trying to live that family life he or she never got to experience as a child in RL. What were the motives that pushed me and my son to have a family? In my own personal case, I had been curious about the idea of adopting but never quite ventured into doing it for a number of reasons, that is until I met Skylar. Those hating the family concept in second life might call what me and many others who have bravely ventured into forming a family “playing house”, but I find that definition very limiting and judgemental.

It sure does not feel like a game to me, I am protective of my son and try my hardest to fill in my father’s shoes who were big shoes to fill by the way. I strive everyday to check that he’s safe, happy and that my choices serve as a good example for him to follow, I go to him with any of my worries and even though he’s not much of a talker, it is reciprocal.

It is truly an experience I would not change or trade for anything in the world and for those who are considering giving an avatar a loving home, here are a few links you may find of use

*Making adoptions come true* http://slurl.com/secondlife/EverLasting%20Family/125/218/24

*Kids Place adoption agency* http://slurl.com/secondlife/Yarna/178/66/44

*Adoptions Next Gen INC* (mostly vamps and non humans) http://slurl.com/secondlife/Youth%20Quake/53/142/22

Life gave me the most precious gift a person could be given and I didn’t have to visit an adoption agency, but for those who are not as lucky as me, hopefully these links will be of use

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls