Psycho

As of late, with my RL being so busy and me spending so little time in second life, there haven't been that many reasons for me to write a blog post about something significant or which I feel needs to be shared -unless you care to hear about my children and how awesome they are for the millionth time-, so today I stumbled upon an article on the Huffington Post that I found absolutely brilliant and worth sharing; specially spot on for most dysfunctional second life relationships, which in consequence compelled me to sit and write about it.

"10 signs your man is a psychopath" laid out in front of me, clear signs of manipulation that you go through when in a relationship with one, but in most cases whilst blinded by love and devotion and a great number of factors, you brush them off with the excuse "I'm just being silly, he's a good man and he loves me"; in fact you are NOT being silly and you certainly deserve better.

I am by far and in no way perfect, but I believe I have found great balance in my current relationship with a man who like me, is not perfect -and whined about me forcing him to be in the picture for the article- but loves me for who I am, criticizes me when I need to hear it and is my greatest pillar when I need one and a good friend to my boys.

As I kept on reading through the article, red flags kept going off and I shook my head saying, why did I not see this then?, I was Love bombed so he could sweep me off my feet, seemed perfect and very much like me in every single possible way, was mysteriously and suddenly sick and got better overnight; the sex was amazing but at some point he could never find the time and would make it sound like I was sex obsessed and he simply was doing it "for me". As soon as I tried to pull away -the minute I worked up the nerve to actually do it- he kept trying to get me back, that is until Hiro came along, then there was simply no turning back.

The sad part is that this affects a larger group of people that one would think and most are completely unaware of having been on one at all, so do yourself a favor, read the article linked above and if you feel you have been or are the victim of a psycho, get some help starting here: Psychopath Free, where they offer information and support.

It really makes no difference if the relationship has been in RL or SL, the mental debris and after effects affects us all. If you feel someone is being victimized or going through something like this but are unaware, do them a favor and share this.

My story has a happy ending but this might not be the case for some out there, who realize what they are in for, and it is too late.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

FAITH

Faith as defined by the Webster dictionary, is loyalty, fidelity, allegiance to duty or person, as well as a firm belief for something for which there is no proof, hence requiring complete trust. When it comes to second life, there are many places or people where we generally place our faith; this being a lover, a family, a social group, an association, a bloodlines clan among many others and no matter how much we claim to know about something or someone, being the way that it is, things in second life require at least some level of complete trust, as we do not always have proof .

I've seen good friends manipulated, cheated on, mind fucked, lied to while the truth is bent beyond recognition; even have suffered it myself and there have even been times when due to this sense of misplaced loyalty, some people have seen fair and fitting to grief and destroy anything on their wake. Recently I have decided, after a few changes here and there, to simplify my life in hopes to improve it, or at least to make it more pleasurable, which has of course required a bit of spring cleaning, namely muting, defriending and removing those who I think are no use or are simply put, not worth the grief or extra effort.

I have gotten into the habit of heading over to spurts at random moments of the day, whenever I have time to kill or am working on article drafts or designs for the shop that require next to none attention - funny place this beach, people don't really IM you, most come to look pretty or go semi afk like I do-. Most of my visits here an rather uneventful, unless I run into a familiar face or a good friend decides to ask for pics for their blog -check Ryce's and you'll see what I mean- either way, something that does happen often when I am IMed on here is that at least on every other visit, I get IMed by someone from bloodlines telling me about the wonders and benefits of their clan and how I should totally join.

Somehow the fact that I lead my own bloodline seems to escape their notice, but they still get extra points for efforts. I do not see much harm from this form of clan PR -being a part of one myself- some people indulge on, but did make me realise why bloodlines is not exactly popular in some circles. Bloodlines players in second life have become SL's Jehova's witnesses "you should totally visit our clan", "we will make you a King", "I have a room full of virgins" and so on.

When I kindly mention that I am just not interested, am in fact semi retired and that my clan doesn't hunt, and that we are in fact closer to a family or sanctuary for those who just don't want to live under any drama, clan pressure or expectations and that we are all happy it works this way, they generally gasp in horror or walk away, as if I were some sort of a BLs heretic -sometimes I even get insulted, which of course always amuses me-

I am happy that your chosen way of life is working so wonderfully for you, but I have decided to simplify and call family only those who act like such, life is too short and second life too varied and extensive to focus on minor things that only benefit a chosen few. Remember that faith is like a Penis, is good to have one, is good to be proud of it, but don't shove it down my throat or expect everyone to think or say that yours is the most wonderful and perfect one that has ever existed.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Two

Something I learned very recently is that, true to my father's wise words, no man in an island at it takes at least two people to do practically anything fulfilling.

Of course there are some solitary activities that one can indulge on, but nothing done in isolation can satisfy any human being in the long run, we require human interaction, feedback and support, whether we are having fun or going through a difficult time in our lives.

Engagements and break-ups are - logically - something that requires two - unless you are a Mormon or one of those in SL that married more than one person -, I tried for a good number of weeks after my divorce to engage in what would be for me and my kids a clean and civil breakup with my ex, but no matter how well intended your wishes for a friendship past a relationship with your ex are, it will never be possible if your now ex is unwilling.

No, this won't be a post where I bash my ex-spouse, not only do I have more class than that, but I have also come to realise that I did try my best to handle what life had tossed us our way, and despite his wish to maybe work things out and rescue what little remained of our relationship, staying in a marriage or partnership that is not making you happy is pointless and is best to end it, even if you do come out looking like a dick.

For those of you who have managed to stay friends with any of your exes, congrats... I know I tried, but it takes two to tango.


https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Legally Blonde

Yes, indeed I'm still alive and kicking, and this would be the part where you are all wondering what is it that I been up to that has prevented me from writing.

Among my many projects, designing and selling my creations in SL is one of my main ones; something that with the Men Stuff Fashion week and upcoming Spring line releases, has kept me from indulging in this.

as you can see I have undergone a radical makeover, basically because I felt it was time to both reboot and keep my look fresh, and given the positive feedback I have been getting because of it, I see that it was not a bad choice.

 My makeover however - and yes I decided to go back to blonde, as it was my haircolor for the longest time before platinum -, does come due to my divorce - in some cases needed - and despite it being one of the hardest things In have ever had to do, when you make the choice of ending a relationship you truly believed would be forever, it is not the fruit of an impulse, but a long meditated choice.

Apparently though, instead of having casual meaningless sex with the easiest, sluttiest ones in town - or in this case SL - your first impulse is to change your look, a new haircut, maybe a facelift too; this impulse made me wonder on why we jump to a makeover as our first resort to moving on.

Steven Spielberg once said that divorce changes you, it turns you into a child, helpless, lost and confused and most of the time, during those initial moments when you try and cope with your grief, a change of looks is needed, as it gives you a fresh start, a new outlook, a starting point to help you move on.

More of what I've learned from the experience is that much like your kids and personal possessions, it takes some time to decide who goes where and who keeps what, your friends also will take sides, depending on which side has the strongest pull - and yes, you are not short on surprises -

I'll count my blessings if I can at least remain civil and keep a solid friendship with my ex, not only because I feel it's what's best for us but also because we have a child together, he who holds no blame on what happened.

Take it from me, no matter how heart breaking and difficult the right choice might be, and in Mrs Doubtfire words "marriage is bliss but so can be divorce"


https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

My RL suit

The reasons why we initially join second life are varied, but most of us do it out of curiosity and to fulfill a need to socialize in a user created "safe" environment, or at least safer than real life.

So we wonder off and explore, shily at first, mostly overwhelmed on how really big and vast SL and all of its continents seem to be, finally settling somewhere after lots of exploring at a place we call "home"

Much like in RL, we create families, make bonds and new friends, fall in love and out of it which is most of the time what compels us to log back in day after day; we also create a virtual person which has all of the physical traits we find desirable and evolves with our experiences and as our knowledge of the platform improves.

But something most of us seem to be unaware of is that as we delve deeper into SL experiences we become sufferers of what I call the "RL suit" syndrome; taking advantage of both the immersion 3D environments induce and the anonymity that most of us -no matter how open and "true" to our RL selves- enjoy, our SL personas bring out the best and the worst that RL social limits sometimes prevent us from experiencing, hence this becoming our "RL suits".

We wake up, we go to our RL jobs, we come home at the end of the day, shedding our RL and becoming for the rest of the day, that which we really are, with all of that implied. I certainly don't regret every second spent in SL, or I clearly would not be doing it, the "game" as many call it, has given me so much and asked for so very little, I've learned valuable lessons and it has certainly brought out the best in me, which has crossed over all the way to my RL.

Over the almost 3 years I have invested in this, I have become a DJ, a designer, a writer and most importantly, it has allowed me to experience parenting, with the good and the bad that comes with it, something that I am sure in RL would have been negated to me as a gay man -or at least extremely difficult-, I truly don't know what the future holds or if I'll even be here for another 3 years, but I'll enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Letting go

Life is a constant ride of ups and downs, a continuous change and progression, for better or for worse but it does happen; at time the best choice to move ahead is to let go of things or people that are in a way or another standing in the way of your evolution.

Over the past few days and even weeks, many things have happened that have inspired me to write this piece, mostly because first of all I have been the victim and direct target of people that simply refuse to let go, get bored of me and move on to better things, but then again SL does offer people that fit this profile the perfect ground to live their psychosis as they see fit.

The whole concept of letting go is putting an end to pain and suffering, closing the door to things that keep us from being better individuals and it all may not always seem like a bad thing, sometimes we must let go of those things we hold precious, for our own good; this might be moving to another country, buying a new car or sometimes even giving RL some preference and -if applicable- maybe do some actual socializing with "real" people.

In RL there were two people that I considered precious and did not conceive life without, my father and my childhood friend -later to be my BF-, they both on their own areas made me the man I am today, there's a lot of my father in Spike and in the way I face parenting my three kids and for that there's not a day I am not entirely grateful to have fallen in such capable hands while growing up.

My childhood friend and first boyfriend ever however -and this is the part where I get personal and give you all a glimpse on my past-, made such a difference in my adult life and on how I engage relationships, that I recently realized that without letting go of the standards he set -quite high-, there won't be a chance for me to actually have a normal, well adjusted relationship.

Yes, he was unique, nothing will ever compare to him and I hate every day life for taking him away from me too early; but then again, doesn't this apply to all relationships? and I mean the fact that each person is different and they do in fact have different things to offer and outlooks on relationships and what they want out of them?

So I will stop looking for him, expecting my partner to live up to his standards; I did love him and love him still, but it's time to move on and let go, a concept many out there -haters and fans alike- should apply to their own lives.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Perspective

Reading a few posts from family and friends who have decided recently to follow in on the wonderful adventure which is blogging, I got slightly inspired by making a detailed yet entertaining -if possible- account of my SL story and how Spike came to be the avatar / person he is nowadays.

I opened my account after updating my PC following my RL birthday, I had heard all sorts of things about SL and since I had always been an avid online gamer, decided to give this one a shot. I did do some research on it first to really know what I was getting my hands on, despite the fact that I had dabbled with virtual worlds way back in 2001 and onwards on other grids.

The first few days I invested my time in what most gay noobs do when exploring SL, lots and lots of sex, until that eventually got old and I stopped using the account for a few days, seeing that apart from sex, no one ever offered me the help and guidance I was seeking to maximize my experience whilst in SL; when I decided to log back and give the whole thing another go, is when I met what would become many things for me, my teacher, my liege, my lover and soon to follow my husband, Corbin.

As the many men that had the pleasure or misfortune to bump into him, I was very unaware of the past and baggage he was carrying, but none of that mattered to me at the time, he was offering me exactly what I needed and was seeking, purpose, guidance, a group of friends and family -Yu among them- I still keep around, and very inadvertently he turned me into a hunting weapon that he would soon use to revitalize our limping vampire community.

I was fascinated by the whole bloodlines concept, I did love hunting and I prided myself to be really good at it, I knew what to say and when to say it in order to convince anyone to join us and it was not all that bad, I did meet many great friends that way and was even given 3 precious gifts a father can have, my sons. I often look back and ponder on my options when I decided to join our family and my only regret would be not having explored life as a "human" on the platform, as I do sometimes feel I missed out on many experiences.

Eventually things went south with Corbin, when my bond with Yu became so strong that no person could break and he saw this as a threat for his power stance and our "marriage", but that's a tale for another post. What are the things you didn't get to do while you were a noob in SL and wish you could go back to?

Perspective, usually gained by looking back before making your path ahead.

Thanks to Ellie for providing the inspiration to write this piece: http://elliecfrose.blogspot.co.uk/

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Ignorance is Bliss...

Unless you are already ignorant, then the whole happy principle negates itself, you don't know you why you are happy, since you don't know to be living in ignorance, but sometimes information can truly rain on your parade and there are some things that -at least in my particular case- I am happy not knowing.

Both my sons are sexually active, I know this to be true and I rather not know the details, only thing that matters is the sound knowledge that they are being responsible while doing so; now when it comes to relationships there are things that are rather not shared with your other half -those that look best under a veil of mystery-, even if communication is THE KEY for any romantic relationship to work, some information is better not said or shared -this is where trust comes into play-.

But what happens to those who think they know -and are in fact under the wrong belief they hold the absolute truth-, when they truly don't know half the story? Is it your unspoken duty to ruin the mirage of truth they have built around themselves?, my take on this would be that if it doesn't directly affect you, it'd be best to let them live in that fantasy they enjoy so much, because unless you are frontally asked to reveal the truth to them, you'll come as the bad guy -he who destroyed that marvelous fantasy world it had taken them so long to build-

Second life is no different to life itself, even more so because no matter how real it may seem to some long term users and how intense your feelings for your lover, SL family and so on, it is based on a virtual reality we create ourselves and for ourselves.

So keep it real, and if you don't want to know the truth, don't ask.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Love is a two-way street

So says the song and when you really think about it, it is one of the truest statements ever sung; love is a driving force, part of our human nature and need to reproduce and find companionship, support and stability, since we figure that life is already hard enough to be living it on your own.

A good relationship, -a really solid one- is entirely reciprocal. There's always got to be some efficient feedback for it to work, because as soon as the two stop communicating and start assuming, that's when the issues begin.

So the issues arise, the two of you decide to part your ways for the sake of each other and everybody around you, only to find out that life isn't quite the same and that what seems to be the best for all, really isn't the best for either of you. What to do then? Do you hang in your determination of staying apart listening to your friend's advice that you are indeed better off? or do you just go for it and decide to work out your issues? -doing in fact what feels right for you-

That's why love is a two-way street, friends and family may mean well, but at the end of the day, there's two in a relationship, not 3 or 4, so it's up to the two of you to figure out what's best for each other.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Out and Proud

Pride: as defined by Webster's it is the act, quality or state of being proud, hence possessing a reasonable and justifiable degree of self esteem; so with this notion and definition, how can gay pride really be defined or categorized?

Is it in our obligation as gay men or members of the LGTB community -to be more inclusive-, to be openly proud and celebrate the fact that we have a sexual orientation? Are we being bad homosexuals if we're not out and proud?

There are a number of other minorities -although in our particular case, the more advances to gain equality we make, the more it seems to me that we are far from being considered a minority-, that don't participate in openly broadcasting how awesome it is to be a part of their particular group; so it'd be safe to assume that the celebrational spirit that comes with Gay pride, it is indeed more of a particular choice.

Simply explained, to be proud of being Gay can be manifested and conveyed in many different ways -not all of them public and flashy-, which doesn't particularly makes them less effective. Be as it may, this being in second life or RL -or any other social platform you choose to communicate with others-, be proud of who you are and what you have to offer to others and like my father always said, "we're all equals because at the end of the day, we all sit on the same porcelain throne to do our business, Kings Queen and peasants alike"

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Love is a two-way street

It being RL or SL, whose line seems to fade at times for some couples the secret to a long lasting relationship is reciprocity, this being the act of giving and taking, the minute the giving becomes a one sided habit, it is then time to rethink your position on the whole thing.

Parenting, couples and all forms of partnerships in SL that require more than one person and involve feelings are a complex thing, because the feelings are there and most of the time are quite strong but SL relationships no matter the nature that started them are limited by the lack of physical proximity, a touch, his smell, a number of things real couples take for granted but those SL based do not enjoy and have to find work-arounds on.

I have always noticed how people rush into getting married in SL as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and sometimes this marriage vow and ceremony don't seem to be taken as seriously as they should, avatars or not, there are people behind them and these people have feelings.

I've always stood by the belief that vows are to be taken seriously and that "for better or for worse" really does mean that, that is until your own personal or mental well being is at stake, that is when you have to take a few steps back and let things unfold and take the path life will lead them to.

As far as Second Life is concerned, do keep a few things in mind when dealing with the platform: keep it real, keep it fun and keep it simple, real life is complicated enough as it is.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

The Prince Charming myth

He's wonderful, perfect, just what your dreams are made of, and most of you out there will spend the rest of your days wondering where he is and why is taking him so long to walk into your life and sweep you off your feet, making everything taste like candy and looking like rainbows.

Chances are that your prince charming has already walked into your life in one of those serendipitous acts and you have not noticed since you are too busy with a preformed idea of what your better half should be.

Some psychologists say that a map of our ideal partner is formed in our brain during our first six years of age, mapped by those dominant character traits from our parents and siblings, others estate that the ideal partner is embedded in our brain genetically, as our brain forms and develops inside our mother's womb.

Personally, I do not believe in love at first sight, I do not defend the idea of soul mates or that perfect companion that it is out there and will be dumped on our lap by a series of random acts -it being called destiny or fate-, to bring completion and balance to our life; relationships take work, compromise and a daily effort with that person that you found compatible and desirable for a number of reasons, it is on the day by day where perfection is found.

If a potential is not willing to put the extra effort to make sure that you stick around, brush it off and move on, plenty of men out there in that wide world of relationships and dating.

Just my two cents

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Two

Most of the greatest discoveries and advances in all fields, have been done by one single mind who has focused and rejected social interaction, all for the sake of a passion driven goal or a burning need to improve our lives, but there is a need stronger than any of the mentioned above and that is, to be loved, accepted and to find support or shelter in another person or people.

One of the things that the second life platform has taught me is that, in John Donne's immortal words "no man is an island"; you can brag about being self-sufficient, independent and even -pathologically so- almighty, but it can be factual and possible to a point, in the end you will be in need for some cooperative effort to get somewhere. People all come with different talents and perspectives  when it comes to perceiving the world around them, so team work aids one to see things from a different angle and possibly think of things that escaped us.


But beyond our plans and goals as a community, what drives us as humans to be in constant search for that perfect other half? -some call it your soul mates-. According to Aristophanes, in the beginning there were 3 parents, the sun, the moon and the earth, each produced offspring: From sun was produced the man; from earth, the woman; from moon, the androgyne. Each of these three was a double, one head with two faces looking out in opposite directions, four arms and legs, and two sets of genitalia. They moved about on the earth with a great deal more freedom and power than humans do now, for they rolled-ran hand over hand and foot over foot at double speed. They tried to take over mount Olympus at some point and as punishment, Zeus cut them in half -two individuals, sharing a soul-, hence making sure humans were too busy looking for that other half to entertain anything else.

The creatures who had been double women before, naturally sought out women; those who had been androgynous, sought out members of the opposite gender; those who had been double men, sought out the company of men, and not simply for intercourse, but so they could become whole again by being rejoined with their soul mates.

This is of course only mythology, but doesn't stop from being a nice explanation on why we strive and go beyond our comfort zone, risking it all and giving our all to that person we find worthy.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls


La mayoría de los más grandes descubrimientos de la historia y avances en todo los campos, han sido producto de una mente brillante que ha rechazado al interacción social, todo por un apasionado impulso de mejorar nuestras vidas, pero hay una necesidad aun mayor que esta y es, la de ser amados, aceptados y de encontrar apoyo ó refugio en otra persona o personas.

Una de las cosas que la plataforma del second life me ha enseñado es que, en las inmortales palabras de John Doe "ningún hombre es una isla"; puedes presumir de ser auto suficiente, independiente e incluso -de forma patológica- todo poderoso, y puede que sea posible e incluso factible hasta cierto punto, pero al final necesitaras de un esfuerzo cooperativo para llegar a algún lado. Las personas vienen con talentos y perspectivas distintas, así que el trabajo en equipo siempre ayuda a ver las cosas desde un angulo distinto y de percibir pequelos detalles que puede se nos hayan escapado.

Pero más allá de nuestros planes como comuidad, ¿qué nos empuja como seres humanos a estar en una busqueda constante de nuestra otra mitad perfecta? -algunos lo llaman almas gemelas- Aristofanes decía que al principio de los tiempos habían tres padres que producían descendencia, el sol, la luna y la tierra; del sol nacían los hombres, de la tierra las mujeres y de la luna los andróginos. Cada uno eran dobles, tenian cuatro brazos, piernas y dos pares de genitales. Se movían por la tierra con mucha rapidez y libertad, más que los seres humanos hoy en día, ya que lo hacían al doble de la velocidad. Un día los humanos intentaron tomar el monte Olimpo y como castigo, Zeus los corto a la mitad -dos individuos compartiendo un alma-, así asegurandose que los seres humanos estuvieran demasiado ocupados intentando reunirse con su otra mitad para entretenerse con otra cosa.

Así las criaturas que habían sido doble mujeres, buscaban solo mujeres, los androginos miembros del sexo opuesto y los hombres, hombres, y no sólo para el acto sexual, sino para poder estar reunidos de nuevo con su alma gemela.

Esto por supuesto es sólo mitología, pero no deja de ser una bonita explicación del porque vamós mas allá de nuestra zona de comodidad, arriesgandolo todo para dar aquello que tenemos a aquella persona que consideramos digna.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Distance

Relationships are basically complicated, this when it is going somewhere and not just based on sex; once the initial fire of passion dies off, all you are left with is a nice solid friendship, that is if you have taken the time to get to know each other that well.

Real Life and Second life relationships are mostly about interaction of all kinds, hence making your bonds stronger, but more so second life ones which are mostly, long distance relationships and based on the platform, first and foremost.

So all of the interaction that you both have sticks to logging in and simulating real life, and most of the time it can get very close to reality; I've heard of people who have crossed the RL / SL line and have met when distance and time has made it possible. But when the usual interaction channels are severed, how do you deal with distance? do you patiently wait until it's all fixed or rush to move on? are you the type of person that believes that timing is also an ingredient when it comes to love?

I don't believe in fate or destiny, or love at first sight. Relationships take time, work and a clear compromise from both people involved for it to work; most things in life you can do on your own, eating, sleeping, travelling, but relationships, like sex and tango, involves -at least- two people for it to mean something, or else you end up doing all the work and looking funny, it does take two to tango, try doing it alone and you'll see what I mean.

Actions speak louder than words... keep that in mind.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls


Las relaciones son basicamente bastante complejas, esto se refiere cuando progresan a algún lado y no sólo se basan en el sexo; una vez que la pasión inicial ha menguado, todo lo que te queda es una amistad solida, esto si te has tomado la molestia de conocer a la otra persona en profundidad.

Las relaciones, ya sean estas en el second life ó la vida real se basan en la interacción de todo tipo, haciendo que vuestros vínculos se estrechen, pero más incluso en el second life, donde las relaciones son todas a distancia y virtualizan la interación de pareja en el simulador.

Así que toda la interacción que ambos teneis se limita a conectarte y simular la vida, y muchas veces puede llegar a ser bastante intensa y real a la vida real; he oido historias de personas que han cruzado la linea del second life  y se han conocido cuando la distancia y el tiempo lo ha permitido. Pero cuando los canales usuales son rotos por cualquiera que sea la razón, ¿cómo te enfrentas a la distancia? ¿esperas pacientemente hasta que todo se arregle o sigues adelante con tu vida? ¿Eres el tipo de persona que cree que el tiempo perfecto es parte también del amor?

No creo en el destino, ni en el amor a primera vista. Las relaciones toman tiempo y trabajo además de un compromiso claro por ambas partes para que funcione; hay muchas cosas en la vida que puedes hacer a solas, comer, dormir, viajar, pero las relciones, como el sexo y el tango necesitan -al menos- dos personas para que tenga algún significado, ó acabas haciendo todo el trabajo tú solo ó haciendo el tonto, hacen falta dos para bailar un tango, intenta bailarlo sólo y sabrás a lo que me refiero.

Las acciones hablan más alto que las palabras, tenlo siempre presente...


https://www.facebook.com/spikecls 

The Power of Goodbye (2)

Life is in constant change and it influences second life more strongly that most of us care to publicly admit, but one bad choice, a small bump in the road and it can mean kissing your idyllic avatar and second life goodbye.

Finding the right balance between second life and real life can be complex but it's not impossible, same goes for knowing who to trust and who to question inside a platform where half of your choices are based on the information you are exposed to and blind faith, after all anyone can be whomever they want with the simple gesture of opening a new account and getting a fresh start, or in some cases grief a person they are not particularly fond of.

What happens and how do you adjust when real life gets in the way and starts taking away things or people you loved inside the simulator? how do you draw the line that most people pretend to draw to keep real life and second life separate? The more time I spend in second life, the more I realize that the so called line does not exist -there is a person behind the avatar and that person is a real one-, both our second lives and real lives do influence each other, even if we make every possible effort so they don't.

I am not personally fond of saying goodbye to friends and family, even if the goodbye is a mere see you soon. A goodbye gesture, this being a hug, a kiss or handshake is final, it marks the end of something, even if the new that's about to come is even better, at the time when you're saying your goodbyes you don't know better and I want to carry on living thinking that the only thing permanent in life is death... and that is a permanent situation that does require the power of goodbye.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls


La vida está siempre en un cambio constante e influencia a nuestro second life más de lo que nos atrevemos a admitir, pero una mala elección, un pequeño bache en el camino y puede significar el adiós de tu vida idilica y de tu avatar en la plataforma.

Encontrar el balance entre ambas vidas puede resultar complejo pero no es imposible, lo mismo se aplica en quién confiar en una plataforma donde la mitad de tus elecciones están basadas en la información a la que eres expuesto y la fé ciega, después de todo cualquiera puede ser quien quiera en culaquier momento, con el simple gesto de abrir una cuenta nueva y comenzar de cero, ó incluso en algunos casos acosar a alguna persona a la que no le tienes mucho aprecio.

¿Qué ocurre y cómo te ajustas cuando la vida se pone en medio y empieza a quitarte cosas ó personas a las que amabas en el simulador? ¿Cómo dibujas la línea que separa al avatar de la persona real? Mientras más tiempo paso en el second life, más me doy cuenta de que esta linea que algunos pretenden dibujar, en realidad no existe -hay una persona detrás del avatar y esta es real- ambas vidas influencian la una a la otra, incluso si hacemos un esfuerzo sobre humano para que esto no ocurra.

No soy e los que se encuentran particularmente cómodos con las despedidas, ya que decir adiós, incluso si este significa un hasta pronto, con un besoi, un abrazo ó un simple estrechón de manos marca un final, da igual si esto cierra una etapa y da paso a algo mejor, en el momento de la despedida, no sabes que exista nada mejor y quiero seguir pensando que lo unico permanente y merecedor de el poder del adiós, es la muerte... ese el el poder de una despedida

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

The four corners

Relationships, dating and any socializing that requires some investment on your part is like decorating a room, all people involved in this put a little of themselves in the decoration, making an harmonious whole; each corner of this room represents you past, your present and your future, all of which you share and expose for the sake of the room.

But there is a corner that is meant to be your personal space and which sometimes is neglected while focusing on the rest, or even sacrificed and given for the other person to use, but what happens if one day the whole room crumbles and falls apart and you have no corner to run to, because you forgot it was there or gave it away? where do you run for cover?

This happens a lot more often than people think when you get really invested in a long term relationship, it's not a bad thing to share your future, your past and your present with the one you love, but giving everything you have while losing yourself and your personal space is wrong by concept.

Finding the right balance in sharing and keeping is where the key for a healthy, long-lasting relationship is. Sharing those things that you both have in common while keeping some areas to yourself create greater bonds than selfless self-sacrifice -like I've seen people in SL or RL do-, losing one's identity, unable to act or think independently without you significant other; there's a word for those types of relationships and that co-dependency.

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own" Benjamin Disrael

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Las relaciones, las citas y cualquier socialización que requiere una cierta inversión de su parte escomo la decoración de una habitación, todas las personas involucradas en esta ponen un poco de sí mismos en la decoración, haciendo un todo armonioso, cada rincón de esta habitación representa el pasado, su presente y su futuro, todos los cuales comparten y exponen por el bien de la habitación.

Pero hay un rincón que está destinado a ser su espacio personal y que a veces se descuida, mientras que te centras en el resto, o incluso sacrificas y das a la otra persona para usar, pero ¿qué pasa si un día todo el cuarto se desmorona y se cae a pedazos y usted no tiene una esquina a que correr,porque se le olvidó que estaba ahí o renunció a ella? ¿dónde corres a esconderte?

Esto sucede mucho más a menudode lo que la gente piensa cuando te vuelcas realmente en unarelación a largo plazo, no es es malo compartir tu futuro, tu pasado y tu presente con la persona que amas, pero dar todo lo que tienes mientras se pierde usted mismo y su espacio personal está mal por el concepto básico.

Encontrar el equilibrio adecuado en compartir y mantener es donde está la clave para una vida en pareja sana y duradera . Compartir las cosas que ambos tienen en común, manteniendo algunas áreas para sí mismo crear más vinculos que el desinteresado sacrificio -como he visto a gente en SLo RL hacer, perder la propia identidad, incapaz de actuar o pensar de manera independiente, sin tupareja, hay una palabra para ese tipo de relaciones y es la co-dependencia.

"El mayor bien que puedes hacer no es el de revelar tus riquezas, sino revelar las del otro" Benjamin Disrael

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

The "IN" Crowd

We all wish to be noticed, we all want to fit or cause all heads to turn as we enter a room, there's no fooling ourselves into a fake sense of reassurance; we all want it or have wanted it at some point.

Not all people are comfortable with notoriety or spotlights, some people are more reserved and only wish to go unnoticed as they mind their own business, but there is a common factor that influences our socializing, we all wish to feel accepted and have a close group of people we can trust.

But what happens when it all changes inexplicably and out of the blue your group of people has moved on without you, for whatever reason and you're left feeling like you really don't fit in anymore? How do you deal with it? Do you face them and try to figure out what's the issue? Do you peg it all to some weird paranoia trip you might be experiencing?

Second life is by definition a social platform, but let's not forget that unless you use voice -and even then you are missing body language- text chat can be limiting and sometimes lead to assuming. You read text, interpret actions around you to the best of your ability and fill in the blanks on all of that which is missing. Personally, I have never strived -this being either SL or RL- to make anyone like me for something I am not, nor have I pretended to be something just because it's what's expected of the group I want to be with.

The way I see it, you are who you are, special and unique in your own particular way and somewhere out there, there is a group of like minded individuals where you'll feel just at home and at ease; the desperate need to try to fit in on what most consider the "IN" crowd, is laughable in my opinion... most jewels shine brighter only under the right lightning conditions, same goes for people.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Todos queremos ser vistos, encajar y causar que las cabezas se giren cuando entramos a algún sitio, no nos engañemos intentando paracer maduros y auto-suficientes; todos queremos esto ó lo hemos deseado en algún momento.

No todas las personas se encuentran cómodas bajo la luz de la notoriedad, los hay un poco más reservados y que sólo desean pasar desapercibidos ocupandose de sus propios asuntos, pero hay un factor común que influencia nuestra socialización, todos queremos ser aceptados y tener un grupo cercano de personas en las que podamos confiar.

¿Pero que ocurre cuando todo cambia de manera inexplicable y de pronto tu grupo ha seguido adelante si tí, por cualquiera quer sea el motivo y te quedas sintiendo como que realmente no encajas? ¿Cómo te enfrentas a esto? ¿Lo discutes intentando descubrir la causa? ¿Lo adjudicas a un pequeño proceso paranoide que estás sufriendo?

El Second life es por definición una plataforma social, pero no se nos olvide que a menos que estés usando un micrófono -y aún así sigues sin tener el lenguaje corporal- el chat de texto puede ser limitante y muchas veces lleva a la asunción. Lees el texto, interpretas las acciones a tu alrededor a la mejor de tus posibilidades y llenas los espacios en blanco. Personalmente, nunca me he esforzado -ya sea en el SL or en la vida real- para que la gente me quiera por algo que no soy, ni he pretendido ser alguien para intentar encajar en el grupo que todo esperan del que forme parte.

Como yo lo veo, tu eres quien eres, especial y único en tu propia forma particular y allá fuera en algún lado, hay un grupo de individuos que piensan como tú, con los que te sentirás como en casa; la necesidad desesperada de algunos por intentar encajar en lo que muchos consideran el "GRUPO POPULAR" da risa... la mayoría de las joyas sólo brillan bajo las condiciones adecuadas, lo mismo ocurre con las personas.


https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

The Ethics of incest

Second Life sex is all about experimenting, trying new things and sometimes, being as perverse or creative as one can possibly be but would not be able to experience in real life. Animal sex, S&M, even experimenting sex as the opposite sex and some even go to the lengths of experimenting gay sex as the opposite gender; it's all good and valid when it comes to sex and there is no long term commitment with a person that is misled or given false impressions about their partner -more specifically in the last two cases- but what about the great taboo -even in second life- incest?

Second life parental / family bonds can be very realistic -I am as everyone knows a proud father of two- and even if it's strictly second life based, your interaction with your family and relatives can make the whole experience both very intense and realistic, even if there is no real blood bond with them, they are for all purposes and effects, your family; you look after them, worry about their well-being and share your special moments.

One of my good friends in second life is also a proud father, but -and I have never been judgmental on this- he has added sex to his father / son interaction because it is consensual and them both as responsible adults have agreed on the fact that they find it "hot". Apart from the sex part, their relationship seems to be pretty average when it comes to parental standards, so when did it become different than the rest? It's basically based how how the relationship is built and how it is made.

Personally I'll stick to my very rewarding and traditional parenting, for sex I already have the boyfriend and incest is never something I'd consider in real life or second life -again distant cousins DO NOT count-, I'll try and keep an open mind respecting everyone's choices, but my relationships in second life -and this is where I stand in life now- have evolved to a point where sex with relatives is not part of the equation, but I do respect people who roleplay it, to each its own.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

El sexo en Second Life se trata de experimentar, probar cosas nuevas y, a veces,ser tan perverso o creativo como uno posiblemente puede ser, pero no sería capazde experimentar en la vida real. Sexo con animales, S & M, incluso a experimentarel sexo como el sexo opuesto y algunos incluso van a las longitudes de experimentar el sexo gay como el género opuesto, todo es bueno y válido cuando se trata de sexo y no hay un compromiso a largo plazo con una persona que seaengañado o dado falsas impresiones sobre su pareja, y más específicamente enlos dos últimos casos, pero ¿qué pasa con el gran tabú, incluso en el second life,incesto?

En el second life los vínculos padres / familiares puede ser muy realistas, yo soycomo todo el mundo sabe un orgulloso padre de dos, e incluso si se trata de algo estrictamente basado en el second life tu interacción con tu familia y parientespueden hacer toda la experiencia a la vez que muy intensa , realista, incluso si no hay ningún vínculo de sangre real con ellos, son para todos los efectos, tu familia, tu te ocupas de ellos, se preocupas por su bienestar y compartes tus momentos especiales.

Uno de mis buenos amigos en Second Life también es un padre orgulloso, pero-y nunca he sido crítico en este tema-ha añadido el sexo a su interacción padre / hijo , ya que es consensual y que ambos como los adultos responsables se han puesto de acuerdo en el hecho de que para ellos es "caliente". Aparte de la parte sexual,su relación parece ser bastante normal cuando se trata de los estándaresparentales, así que ¿cuando llegó a ser diferente que el resto? Se trata básicamente de como se forma la relación, se construye y de cómo se desarrolla.

Personalmente me quedo con mi paternidad muy gratificante y tradicional, para tener relaciones sexuales ya tengo a mi novio y el incesto no es algo que me gustaría tener en cuenta en la vida real o el second life -insisto los primos lejanosNO cuentan-, voy a tratar de mantener una mente abierta respetando las eleccionesde todos, pero mis relaciones familiares en el second life han evolucionado a un punto -y es aquí en el punto de mi vida donde me encuentro- en el que sexo con familiares no es parte de la equación, pero respeto a aquellos que lo hacen a modo de roleplay, a cada quien lo suyo.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

The Sugar Daddy

I've always regarded courtship as working on a business deal, each party wants to get something out of the other one that will ultimately benefit themselves and to get this, they bring something the other person wants and doesn't have; some have looks, others have brains and a few lucky ones have money, or the whole thing.

Some people, this being second life or real life -more so in second life- skip the whole courtship process and get right down to business and this is where trouble starts, you can't seriously expect a good deal if you skip negotiation -I've seen people in second life go on dates and get engaged compulsively and within days-., you seriously need that leg room to get to know the person better, at least that's how I see it.

My best friend in RL has never, in her adult life experienced proper courtship; she's been married and divorced, goes on dates quite often but she has never been swept off her feet and made feel special. In her own words, it's always been her doing the courting. This all changed a few days back when she ran into an old friend who is twice her age and simply put, loaded -as in filthy rich-. So how does a man twice her age, to whom money has no meaning gets a single mom to pay him some attention?. Money is his asset, so he offers courting and all things she has not experienced until then -see what you could have principle-

How ethic is it for you allow a person that you know has 99 % of possibilities of failure, to throw sweet words and get you expensive presents that are beyond your reach? Well, the way I see it, is all in the negotiation; as long as this person knows his chances of success are slim and still insists on sharing his economic well being with you, all is fair in love and war.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls


Siempre he visto el cortejo como un trato de negocios, cada parte involucrada quiere conseguir algo que le beneficie y que el otro tiene y para conseguirlo, ofrecen algo que la otra no tiene ó que quiere tener; algunos son guapos, otros tienen inteligencia, y unos pocos afortunados tiene dinero o todo el conjunto.


Algunas personas, ya sea second life o la vida real -incluso más en el second life- se saltan la parte del cortejo y es allí donde los problemas comienzan, no puedes esperar que algo funcione si te saltas la negociación de lleno -he visto personas en el second life, quedar con gente y casarse compulsivamente en cuestión de días-, en serio, pienso que todos necesitamos un poco de margen para conocer a la otra persona mejor, o por lo menos es así como lo veo.

Mi mejor amiga fuera del second life, nunca ha sido cortejada en sus años de vida adulta; ha estado casada y divorciada, sale con chicos bastante a menudo pero nunca la han hecho sentir especial. En sus propias palabras, siempre ha sido ella la que ha hecho el cortejo y mostrado interés. Esto cambió hace unos días cuando se encontró con un viejo amigo que le dobla la edad y que puesto de manera simple tiene mucho dinero. Asi que ¿cómo se las arregla un hombre que te dobla la edad y para el cual el dinero no tiene significado alguno, que le pongas atención? El dinero es su mejor baza, así que durante el cortejo muestra todo aquello que podrías tener y que te estás perdiendo.

¿Cuán etico es que le permitas a una persona que sabes tiene el 99 % de posibilidades de fallo, que te hable bonito y te ofrezca regalos que en circunstancias normales están fuera de tu alcance?, el modo en el que yo lo veo, es todo parte de la negociación; siempre y cuando esta persona sepa que sus posibilidades son casi nulas y aún así insista encompartir su bienestar económico contigo, en el amor y en la guerra todo se vale.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Powertrips & other evils

Whether we refer to RL or SL, depending on what stage your life is at and what position you're in, some people may feel the need to use who they are and what they can do to their advantage. This is more obvious while in second life, where people feel they need to compensate -or simply do without needing a real excuse- for all they lack; don't get me wrong this all good and valid, as long as compensating doesn't mean bullying others into submission.

I call this "the superiority complex powertrip horse" and like any other evils in the world, it only benefits one person and affects all those around you suffering it. Power is a curious thing, some look for it and crave it, others get it without even wanting it, but to pull from the easy movie quote "with great power comes great responsibility"; the person riding the powertrip horse feels superior and with license to judge, inspect and look down on people.

Most of the time these people are so wrapped up in their so-called perfection, they do not seem to be aware of their own flaws or how addicted they are to being judgmental -I had a friend of a friend who I suffered for a while until she did me the GREAT favor of defriending me-. I don't claim to be perfect, I never have and most likely never will, I don't have any real power in SL, and when I have faced myself with situations where I was given some, I have happily relinquished it to the appropriate people; I don't need to overcompensate in second life, it's not why I use the platform but I certainly won't roll over and play dead, so any what's-its-name can get their fix of compensating, there's something fabulous in RL to take care of that... therapy. I don't need a King name tag, a fancy status nor a court to feel good about myself, if that's your kink good for you... but don't expect me to play along.

"Keep it real, keep it simple & keep it fun, if not what's the point?" Skylar Silent

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls


Ya sea refiriendonos a la vida real ó a el second life y dependiendo de el estado de tu vida en el que estás, algunas personas sienten la necesidad de usar lo que son ó los recursos de los que cuentan para su propio conveniencia. Esto es más obvio en el second life, donde las personas sienten la necesidad de sobre-compensar -o de hacerlo porque sí, sin necesitar una excusa real- por todo aquello de lo que carecen; no me mal-entiendan, todo esto es bueno y válido, siempre y cuando no signifique abusar de otros para que se sometan a tí.

A este proceso lo llamo "el complejo cabalgante de superioridad" y como otros males en el mundo, sólo beneficia a una persona mientras otros a su alrededor lo sufren. El poder es una cosa curiosa, algunos lo buscan y ansían, otros lo reciben sin buscarlo ni necesitarlo y recurriendo de una cita de película "un gran poder conlleva a una gran responsibilidad"; la persona a lomos del caballo de superioridad se siente el la libertad de juzgar, inspeccionar y mirar por encima del hombro a otros.

Muchas veces estas personas estan tan envueltas en su "perfección", que no parecen ser conscientes de sus propios fallos ó de cuan adictos estan a juzgar a otros -sufrí durante largo tiempo la amistad de una amiga de un amigo con este complejo, hasta que esta me hizo el GRAN favor de eliminarme de su lista-. Yo nunca he afirmado ser perfecto, nunca lo he hecho ni lo haré, no poseo ningún poder real en el second life, y cuando me he enfrentado a situaciones en la que me ha sido dado algo de este, lo he cedido a las personas apropiadas; No necesito sobre-compensar por nada en el second life, no es la razón por la que uso la plataforma pero no por eso voy a rodar y a hacerme el muerto, para que cualquier como-se-llame pueda sentirse mejor consigo mismo, hay algo fabuloso en la vida real... se llama terapia. No necesito ser llamdo Rey, un estatus ni una corte para sentirme bien conmigo mismo, si ese es tu rollo, allá tú pero no esperes que te siga el juego.

"Manténlo todo real, simple & divertido, si no ¿qué sentido tiene?" Skylar Silent

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls