My RL suit

The reasons why we initially join second life are varied, but most of us do it out of curiosity and to fulfill a need to socialize in a user created "safe" environment, or at least safer than real life.

So we wonder off and explore, shily at first, mostly overwhelmed on how really big and vast SL and all of its continents seem to be, finally settling somewhere after lots of exploring at a place we call "home"

Much like in RL, we create families, make bonds and new friends, fall in love and out of it which is most of the time what compels us to log back in day after day; we also create a virtual person which has all of the physical traits we find desirable and evolves with our experiences and as our knowledge of the platform improves.

But something most of us seem to be unaware of is that as we delve deeper into SL experiences we become sufferers of what I call the "RL suit" syndrome; taking advantage of both the immersion 3D environments induce and the anonymity that most of us -no matter how open and "true" to our RL selves- enjoy, our SL personas bring out the best and the worst that RL social limits sometimes prevent us from experiencing, hence this becoming our "RL suits".

We wake up, we go to our RL jobs, we come home at the end of the day, shedding our RL and becoming for the rest of the day, that which we really are, with all of that implied. I certainly don't regret every second spent in SL, or I clearly would not be doing it, the "game" as many call it, has given me so much and asked for so very little, I've learned valuable lessons and it has certainly brought out the best in me, which has crossed over all the way to my RL.

Over the almost 3 years I have invested in this, I have become a DJ, a designer, a writer and most importantly, it has allowed me to experience parenting, with the good and the bad that comes with it, something that I am sure in RL would have been negated to me as a gay man -or at least extremely difficult-, I truly don't know what the future holds or if I'll even be here for another 3 years, but I'll enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

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Perspective

Reading a few posts from family and friends who have decided recently to follow in on the wonderful adventure which is blogging, I got slightly inspired by making a detailed yet entertaining -if possible- account of my SL story and how Spike came to be the avatar / person he is nowadays.

I opened my account after updating my PC following my RL birthday, I had heard all sorts of things about SL and since I had always been an avid online gamer, decided to give this one a shot. I did do some research on it first to really know what I was getting my hands on, despite the fact that I had dabbled with virtual worlds way back in 2001 and onwards on other grids.

The first few days I invested my time in what most gay noobs do when exploring SL, lots and lots of sex, until that eventually got old and I stopped using the account for a few days, seeing that apart from sex, no one ever offered me the help and guidance I was seeking to maximize my experience whilst in SL; when I decided to log back and give the whole thing another go, is when I met what would become many things for me, my teacher, my liege, my lover and soon to follow my husband, Corbin.

As the many men that had the pleasure or misfortune to bump into him, I was very unaware of the past and baggage he was carrying, but none of that mattered to me at the time, he was offering me exactly what I needed and was seeking, purpose, guidance, a group of friends and family -Yu among them- I still keep around, and very inadvertently he turned me into a hunting weapon that he would soon use to revitalize our limping vampire community.

I was fascinated by the whole bloodlines concept, I did love hunting and I prided myself to be really good at it, I knew what to say and when to say it in order to convince anyone to join us and it was not all that bad, I did meet many great friends that way and was even given 3 precious gifts a father can have, my sons. I often look back and ponder on my options when I decided to join our family and my only regret would be not having explored life as a "human" on the platform, as I do sometimes feel I missed out on many experiences.

Eventually things went south with Corbin, when my bond with Yu became so strong that no person could break and he saw this as a threat for his power stance and our "marriage", but that's a tale for another post. What are the things you didn't get to do while you were a noob in SL and wish you could go back to?

Perspective, usually gained by looking back before making your path ahead.

Thanks to Ellie for providing the inspiration to write this piece: http://elliecfrose.blogspot.co.uk/

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Love is a two-way street

So says the song and when you really think about it, it is one of the truest statements ever sung; love is a driving force, part of our human nature and need to reproduce and find companionship, support and stability, since we figure that life is already hard enough to be living it on your own.

A good relationship, -a really solid one- is entirely reciprocal. There's always got to be some efficient feedback for it to work, because as soon as the two stop communicating and start assuming, that's when the issues begin.

So the issues arise, the two of you decide to part your ways for the sake of each other and everybody around you, only to find out that life isn't quite the same and that what seems to be the best for all, really isn't the best for either of you. What to do then? Do you hang in your determination of staying apart listening to your friend's advice that you are indeed better off? or do you just go for it and decide to work out your issues? -doing in fact what feels right for you-

That's why love is a two-way street, friends and family may mean well, but at the end of the day, there's two in a relationship, not 3 or 4, so it's up to the two of you to figure out what's best for each other.

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Feedback

There are moments in your life, whether this is RL or SL where you are left wondering if your efforts to keep all of those you consider your family happy are really worth the trouble and this is when what I call "the feedback effect" comes in handy.

It is defined as an event being part of a chain of cause-and-effect that forms a circuit or loop, then the event is said to "feed back" into itself, so when it comes to human interaction, the actions and sacrifices you make to keep those around you happy, logically feedback to you in happiness -that is in theory- as providing happiness is by itself a selfless act, hence creating a loop.

But what happens when it is you, he/she who always provides happiness the one in need of servicing? when the rules of the game change, that is when you are shown those who are worth feed-backing towards and those who can do without, simple as that. 

Never forget that never mind the reasons of your usage of SL, your needs are those which you need look after and then everyone else's. You simply can't go around trying to please everybody, because in the end you forget to make the most important person in you life happy, yourself and if it's for approval what you're after, an applause will sound louder from those who truly mean it.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls 

The "IN" Crowd

We all wish to be noticed, we all want to fit or cause all heads to turn as we enter a room, there's no fooling ourselves into a fake sense of reassurance; we all want it or have wanted it at some point.

Not all people are comfortable with notoriety or spotlights, some people are more reserved and only wish to go unnoticed as they mind their own business, but there is a common factor that influences our socializing, we all wish to feel accepted and have a close group of people we can trust.

But what happens when it all changes inexplicably and out of the blue your group of people has moved on without you, for whatever reason and you're left feeling like you really don't fit in anymore? How do you deal with it? Do you face them and try to figure out what's the issue? Do you peg it all to some weird paranoia trip you might be experiencing?

Second life is by definition a social platform, but let's not forget that unless you use voice -and even then you are missing body language- text chat can be limiting and sometimes lead to assuming. You read text, interpret actions around you to the best of your ability and fill in the blanks on all of that which is missing. Personally, I have never strived -this being either SL or RL- to make anyone like me for something I am not, nor have I pretended to be something just because it's what's expected of the group I want to be with.

The way I see it, you are who you are, special and unique in your own particular way and somewhere out there, there is a group of like minded individuals where you'll feel just at home and at ease; the desperate need to try to fit in on what most consider the "IN" crowd, is laughable in my opinion... most jewels shine brighter only under the right lightning conditions, same goes for people.

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Todos queremos ser vistos, encajar y causar que las cabezas se giren cuando entramos a algún sitio, no nos engañemos intentando paracer maduros y auto-suficientes; todos queremos esto ó lo hemos deseado en algún momento.

No todas las personas se encuentran cómodas bajo la luz de la notoriedad, los hay un poco más reservados y que sólo desean pasar desapercibidos ocupandose de sus propios asuntos, pero hay un factor común que influencia nuestra socialización, todos queremos ser aceptados y tener un grupo cercano de personas en las que podamos confiar.

¿Pero que ocurre cuando todo cambia de manera inexplicable y de pronto tu grupo ha seguido adelante si tí, por cualquiera quer sea el motivo y te quedas sintiendo como que realmente no encajas? ¿Cómo te enfrentas a esto? ¿Lo discutes intentando descubrir la causa? ¿Lo adjudicas a un pequeño proceso paranoide que estás sufriendo?

El Second life es por definición una plataforma social, pero no se nos olvide que a menos que estés usando un micrófono -y aún así sigues sin tener el lenguaje corporal- el chat de texto puede ser limitante y muchas veces lleva a la asunción. Lees el texto, interpretas las acciones a tu alrededor a la mejor de tus posibilidades y llenas los espacios en blanco. Personalmente, nunca me he esforzado -ya sea en el SL or en la vida real- para que la gente me quiera por algo que no soy, ni he pretendido ser alguien para intentar encajar en el grupo que todo esperan del que forme parte.

Como yo lo veo, tu eres quien eres, especial y único en tu propia forma particular y allá fuera en algún lado, hay un grupo de individuos que piensan como tú, con los que te sentirás como en casa; la necesidad desesperada de algunos por intentar encajar en lo que muchos consideran el "GRUPO POPULAR" da risa... la mayoría de las joyas sólo brillan bajo las condiciones adecuadas, lo mismo ocurre con las personas.


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The Ethics of incest

Second Life sex is all about experimenting, trying new things and sometimes, being as perverse or creative as one can possibly be but would not be able to experience in real life. Animal sex, S&M, even experimenting sex as the opposite sex and some even go to the lengths of experimenting gay sex as the opposite gender; it's all good and valid when it comes to sex and there is no long term commitment with a person that is misled or given false impressions about their partner -more specifically in the last two cases- but what about the great taboo -even in second life- incest?

Second life parental / family bonds can be very realistic -I am as everyone knows a proud father of two- and even if it's strictly second life based, your interaction with your family and relatives can make the whole experience both very intense and realistic, even if there is no real blood bond with them, they are for all purposes and effects, your family; you look after them, worry about their well-being and share your special moments.

One of my good friends in second life is also a proud father, but -and I have never been judgmental on this- he has added sex to his father / son interaction because it is consensual and them both as responsible adults have agreed on the fact that they find it "hot". Apart from the sex part, their relationship seems to be pretty average when it comes to parental standards, so when did it become different than the rest? It's basically based how how the relationship is built and how it is made.

Personally I'll stick to my very rewarding and traditional parenting, for sex I already have the boyfriend and incest is never something I'd consider in real life or second life -again distant cousins DO NOT count-, I'll try and keep an open mind respecting everyone's choices, but my relationships in second life -and this is where I stand in life now- have evolved to a point where sex with relatives is not part of the equation, but I do respect people who roleplay it, to each its own.

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El sexo en Second Life se trata de experimentar, probar cosas nuevas y, a veces,ser tan perverso o creativo como uno posiblemente puede ser, pero no sería capazde experimentar en la vida real. Sexo con animales, S & M, incluso a experimentarel sexo como el sexo opuesto y algunos incluso van a las longitudes de experimentar el sexo gay como el género opuesto, todo es bueno y válido cuando se trata de sexo y no hay un compromiso a largo plazo con una persona que seaengañado o dado falsas impresiones sobre su pareja, y más específicamente enlos dos últimos casos, pero ¿qué pasa con el gran tabú, incluso en el second life,incesto?

En el second life los vínculos padres / familiares puede ser muy realistas, yo soycomo todo el mundo sabe un orgulloso padre de dos, e incluso si se trata de algo estrictamente basado en el second life tu interacción con tu familia y parientespueden hacer toda la experiencia a la vez que muy intensa , realista, incluso si no hay ningún vínculo de sangre real con ellos, son para todos los efectos, tu familia, tu te ocupas de ellos, se preocupas por su bienestar y compartes tus momentos especiales.

Uno de mis buenos amigos en Second Life también es un padre orgulloso, pero-y nunca he sido crítico en este tema-ha añadido el sexo a su interacción padre / hijo , ya que es consensual y que ambos como los adultos responsables se han puesto de acuerdo en el hecho de que para ellos es "caliente". Aparte de la parte sexual,su relación parece ser bastante normal cuando se trata de los estándaresparentales, así que ¿cuando llegó a ser diferente que el resto? Se trata básicamente de como se forma la relación, se construye y de cómo se desarrolla.

Personalmente me quedo con mi paternidad muy gratificante y tradicional, para tener relaciones sexuales ya tengo a mi novio y el incesto no es algo que me gustaría tener en cuenta en la vida real o el second life -insisto los primos lejanosNO cuentan-, voy a tratar de mantener una mente abierta respetando las eleccionesde todos, pero mis relaciones familiares en el second life han evolucionado a un punto -y es aquí en el punto de mi vida donde me encuentro- en el que sexo con familiares no es parte de la equación, pero respeto a aquellos que lo hacen a modo de roleplay, a cada quien lo suyo.

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Powertrips & other evils

Whether we refer to RL or SL, depending on what stage your life is at and what position you're in, some people may feel the need to use who they are and what they can do to their advantage. This is more obvious while in second life, where people feel they need to compensate -or simply do without needing a real excuse- for all they lack; don't get me wrong this all good and valid, as long as compensating doesn't mean bullying others into submission.

I call this "the superiority complex powertrip horse" and like any other evils in the world, it only benefits one person and affects all those around you suffering it. Power is a curious thing, some look for it and crave it, others get it without even wanting it, but to pull from the easy movie quote "with great power comes great responsibility"; the person riding the powertrip horse feels superior and with license to judge, inspect and look down on people.

Most of the time these people are so wrapped up in their so-called perfection, they do not seem to be aware of their own flaws or how addicted they are to being judgmental -I had a friend of a friend who I suffered for a while until she did me the GREAT favor of defriending me-. I don't claim to be perfect, I never have and most likely never will, I don't have any real power in SL, and when I have faced myself with situations where I was given some, I have happily relinquished it to the appropriate people; I don't need to overcompensate in second life, it's not why I use the platform but I certainly won't roll over and play dead, so any what's-its-name can get their fix of compensating, there's something fabulous in RL to take care of that... therapy. I don't need a King name tag, a fancy status nor a court to feel good about myself, if that's your kink good for you... but don't expect me to play along.

"Keep it real, keep it simple & keep it fun, if not what's the point?" Skylar Silent

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Ya sea refiriendonos a la vida real ó a el second life y dependiendo de el estado de tu vida en el que estás, algunas personas sienten la necesidad de usar lo que son ó los recursos de los que cuentan para su propio conveniencia. Esto es más obvio en el second life, donde las personas sienten la necesidad de sobre-compensar -o de hacerlo porque sí, sin necesitar una excusa real- por todo aquello de lo que carecen; no me mal-entiendan, todo esto es bueno y válido, siempre y cuando no signifique abusar de otros para que se sometan a tí.

A este proceso lo llamo "el complejo cabalgante de superioridad" y como otros males en el mundo, sólo beneficia a una persona mientras otros a su alrededor lo sufren. El poder es una cosa curiosa, algunos lo buscan y ansían, otros lo reciben sin buscarlo ni necesitarlo y recurriendo de una cita de película "un gran poder conlleva a una gran responsibilidad"; la persona a lomos del caballo de superioridad se siente el la libertad de juzgar, inspeccionar y mirar por encima del hombro a otros.

Muchas veces estas personas estan tan envueltas en su "perfección", que no parecen ser conscientes de sus propios fallos ó de cuan adictos estan a juzgar a otros -sufrí durante largo tiempo la amistad de una amiga de un amigo con este complejo, hasta que esta me hizo el GRAN favor de eliminarme de su lista-. Yo nunca he afirmado ser perfecto, nunca lo he hecho ni lo haré, no poseo ningún poder real en el second life, y cuando me he enfrentado a situaciones en la que me ha sido dado algo de este, lo he cedido a las personas apropiadas; No necesito sobre-compensar por nada en el second life, no es la razón por la que uso la plataforma pero no por eso voy a rodar y a hacerme el muerto, para que cualquier como-se-llame pueda sentirse mejor consigo mismo, hay algo fabuloso en la vida real... se llama terapia. No necesito ser llamdo Rey, un estatus ni una corte para sentirme bien conmigo mismo, si ese es tu rollo, allá tú pero no esperes que te siga el juego.

"Manténlo todo real, simple & divertido, si no ¿qué sentido tiene?" Skylar Silent

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The Sound of Silence

Silence can be comforting, can provide refuge when needed and help better organize one's thoughts, sometimes silence is required but in most social situations, it can create the opposite effect and be damaging.

Silence has also been known to fuel evils, draw distances or create gaps between generations. Silence is a powerful enemy that splits couples every day; so why if silence can feel so good at times, be the source of so much evil? because it leads to assuming.

When people don't speak their mind and let silence do the talking, the other person is left wondering and filling in the blanks with the random bits of information they are provided with and led to -most of the time- wrongful assumptions. It is not the other person's silence however the one that is causing the damage, but your own.

Like the proverb says, in some situations "Silence is also speech"


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El silencio puede ser reconfortante, proveer refugio cuando se le necesita y ayudar a organizar mejor tus ideas, a veces el silencio es requerido pero en la mayoría de las situaciones sociales, puede crear el efecto contrario y causar daño.


El silencio se ha sabido tambien de alimentar muchos males, crear distancias e incluso brechas entre generaciones. El silencio es un enemigo poderoso que separa a las parejas cada día; así que ¿Por qué si el silencio sienta tan bien en algunas situaciones, puede causar tantos males en otras? porque desemboca en la asunción.

Cuando dos personas no dicen lo que piensan y dejan que el silencio hable por ellos, uno de ellos siempre se quedará preguntandose y rellenando los espacios en blanco  con los pedazos de información que les son facilitados y -la mayoría de las veces- hacer que se asuman cosas de manera incorrecta. No es el silencio de la otra persona el que causa el daño, si no el tuyo propio.


Como dice el proverbio, en algunas situaciones "el silencio también habla"

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