Freak like me

Normal, and adjective defining:
1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2. serving to establish a standard.

That would be the dictionary's definition of normal, something that establishes a standard and follows a norm; most of us like to wake up in the morning and go to bed at night with two conflicting notions, one that assures us that we are indeed special and unique, that there is something about us that justifies our presence and existence in this world, but that is largely due to the fact that we are protagonists of our own story, and then there is the other one, the one that needs to know for certain and without a shadow of a doubt that we indeed fit the norm, follow standards and are nothing different from the rest.

But then again, most of us arrived to second life trying to escape from that norm, maybe out of boredom or as a form of therapy, and those two conflicting notions, along side with the bonds that we make a long the way, keep us logging in on a daily basis, exploring that side of us that we didn't know we had and trying to keep both of our conflicting notions, satisfied.

Like many people in SL, I have loved and lost far too many times, I have loved the wrong guys for the right reasons, dated the right guys for the wrong reasons and I am not ashamed to admit I have slept and ditched quite a few -not as many as people give me credit for-. I arrived to SL partly out of curiosity and mostly trying to find myself while struggling to understand human nature, something that I always struggled with as I was growing up; I always struggled with the norm and fitting the standards, I still strain my brain trying to understand why people do the things they do or keep themselves from speaking their minds or pursuing happiness, when it's clearly within reach.

I am what you would call, in many areas, a freak; it takes a lot to understand me and a whole lot more to tolerate me or let alone wanting to be by my side for long periods of time. I am simple, but can also be quite acid and blunt, most of the time without meaning to, that's just the way I see the world and relate to it. In that constant self discovery that I have engaged when starting my path in SL, while looking for happiness in the wrong places, there have been a chosen few who have stuck by my side all these years -mostly my kids-, not because they had to, but merely because they wanted to-; I kept wondering when mr Right would come and show up in my life, that special kind of freak that would fit just right with me.

Silly me, he was right in front of me all along; my special kind of a freak, someone bent and twisted in the right places, making him fit and click just right. Something I have learned is that there is no normal, it simply doesn't exist, in the end we're all freaks; we all have quirks and issues -unresolved or not- that make us unique and special, which funnily enough creates a norm, in SL -or in life in general- you just have to look hard for you're kind of freak, the one that will finally make you feel like you belong somewhere.

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The Game of feelings

It's been nearly two weeks since my last post, and I have been sitting on this article piece for that long, trying my best to word this topic as best as I can.

Second life is regarded by most people as a game, our precious virtual reality does provide leisure during our free time and on some cases, RL income -or an extra nudge for those not so lucky to be lindenaires-, but isn't it by simple concept a game?

Following this reasoning, those who invest their time in entertaining themselves, also do go through the trouble of disregarding other's people's feelings whilst at the platform; we've all heard the stories, lovers who alt, who fake being ill to manipulate other, or worst, date several people at the same time while taking the time to visit dungeons, on the excuse that "it isn't real anyway", but is it really all valid since there is no RL involved?

Sorry to burst your bubbles folks, but no matter how separate and anonymous you try to make both your lives, there is a part of your RL involved in SL, and that is the person controlling the avatar and who does indeed, has feelings. My father used to say that each day is like a blank page, full of possibilities where you can write a new chapter of your life and maybe, learn something while becoming a better person; this also applies to SL. We have a chance every time we log in to make a difference, to produce change, to become better people while inspiring others who may need our help, as little as this may be.

That is indeed a proper use of our free time and our virtual realities; I am not in any way trying to preach here or claim that I am perfect in what I do and don't do in both my lives, but my experiences whilst at the platform have taught me valuable lessons, shown me the best and worst about me and have induced change in those who I proudly call my family in SL.

At the end of the day, that is all I have to brag about and which compels me to log in and keep on trying; judge and you will not be judge my eldest Skylar always says, to that I must add, don't judge, but don't go engaging into business, relationships and so on, if for you all of this is just a game and have every intention to toy with others, because it may be "fun" for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is for the rest around you.

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Digital get down

For most of us, SL users and avid social platforms enthusiasts, the internet -and its growing ways of taking it with us everywhere- is the one way we relate to other people around us; forget the letters and phone calls -in fact cell phones are not really used as phones anymore, the calls are just one of those addons-, there are ways beyond imagining for us to find that special someone and distances are a thing of the past.

Long distance relationship are the one thing that populates the virtual platform where most of us have gone to looking for either, sex, an extra income or companionship and sometimes, if things go well with you and your significant other, you both decide to cross that thin SL/RL line and take it to the next step, it being skype, text messages or an actual meeting if you're both lucky enough to be within reasonable distance.

But if you're me, luck doesn't always happen to be present in your relationship equation and you have to make use of technology -while being creative- to do things that most couples take for granted; today was one of those days where I made use of it all, to have a semi-decent "date" with my husband.

Having recently moved to the area where I live now in RL, I have gotten into the habit of doing some exploring either by bus or train -whatever is cheapest at the time I decide to do so- when I'm not working, as it serves two purposes, it familiarizes me with my new surroundings and gives me something to do when I'm not busy doing SL things.

Today I decided to go visit a somewhat famous pier nearby and since I recently upgraded my phone, I got adventurous and tested the flexibility skype mobile offers, the outcome was a simple afternoon that was both magical and very romantic and despite the fact that I could not enjoy any actual physical proximity -like holding hands-, it really didn't matter, he was there with me... we had lunch, we had ice cream, walked along the streets checking out the shops on our way to the pier and even got lost a couple of times.

Is not only sex what skype has to offer, isn't that a shocker... live and learn -not that there is anything wrong with getting frisky on cam-, but there are many ways to enjoy a decent digital get down, if you get creative.

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The Single Hunk

Whether you are gay or straight, you most likely have been exposed to the variant of this very special breed of potential boyfriend at some point; he's drop dead gorgeous, knows exactly what to say, he's great in bed and becomes the instant best buddy of your close friends, he's just... perfect, but for some strange reason, he simply can't seem to be able to tie the knot, or seal the deal with anyone.

I was sitting here quietly pondering over my past month, and just realized that this guy I used to date briefly has been both engaged -and partnered- in a range shorter than two weeks to two different unsuspecting victims; this type of guy should come with a disclaimer of some sort, I mean they should at least announce it on their profile -"I am not marrying material guys! but I will play along for as long as I can"-

What makes these guys engage in this type of behavior that leaves all sorts of heartbreak collateral and drama on their wake? do they get off on the whole planning the wedding bit and then get cold feet at the very mention of "til death parts us"?, perhaps is the whole compromise part they simply cannot get a grasp of?

One went to the lengths once of trying to pin down on me the blame of us not working out -yes I do mean you dear-, while he was juggling several boyfriends -including his ex- as he made up his mind on where his pixelated self would settle.

My father always told me that being a man, and becoming one didn't involve growing hair in places where there wasn't any before, but justifying the presence of them  by acting like one.

So be careful of who you rush off to marry or partner in second life, you may be faced with this rare specimen without even knowing.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Rules of dating

How is dating in RL different from SL? and does it also change if you are gay or straight? being recently married to a wonderful man and looking back on my efforts to find that perfect someone, I came up with the most common mistakes done in the SL dating world and what to do to avoid them, hence getting you what you want.

Don't go straight to sex


As weird as it sounds, this applies also to SL and dating on the platform, sex you can get anywhere and with anyone, but if you want anything to lead anywhere avoid sex the first few dates at all costs; take time instead to explore SL together or do things you both will enjoy, discovering common interests can be fun too and will make sex a lot more meaningful and intimate.

Know your audience


Read the profile and plan what you are going to wear and say before you take him anywhere, profiles are there for a reason and most of the time, the info available gives you a preview of the real person and a few conversation topics to elaborate on.

Avoid the SL family


After the first date, most people are in a huge rush to introduce mr Right to their SL families, but that is one of the biggest no-nos; don't be in a rush to make things happen, if he is indeed someone worth going all out and sharing what you got with, there will be plenty of time to do the meet and greet or get him to mingle with your loved ones.

Don't make wedding plans


I see a lot often, more than it should and I find it worrisome, people go and jump the SL partner gun and organize weddings as if their lives depended on it with people they just met . In my personal opinion, marrying a perfect stranger only works in Asian countries and even in those cases there has been some profound interaction by at least the parents.

People and situations change so these advices are best personalized to you particular situation and if all else fails, just be yourself, take it slow and have fun, that always works 90 % of the time.

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The dating protocol

During the first few weeks of dating a new person, there are a number of unspoken rules that give you clear indicatives of where to go, what to do and the path the whole experience is taking; the whole thing is mostly about discovery though, finding out what he likes and doesn't like, the music he listens to and this road of mutual investigation can be very exciting, but how do you know if it's going somewhere or if it's simple random sexual fun? Is there a way to tell them apart?

There are a certain number of things that only couples do -those hovering over the serious zone-, I am of the firm belief that only boyfriends have breakfast in bed, you know, sleeping over at his place, cuddling and falling asleep in his arms and hopefully having some waking up morning wood fun and then a nutritious breakfast.

Watching a movie together is also a clear indicative that things are progressing positively, but this only applies to actually going to a movie theater; watching a movie at home does not count as random sex partners -or even steady ones- generally use this as an excuse to get into your pants.

Do you have any other unspoken signs of serious progression towards a to-be couple? how about second life dating protocols? Do they change or do most guys go straight to sex and then see where it leads? In my personal experience it has only worked when I have applied dating rules from real life to the second life experience -taking your time to get to know each other-, as I think most of the time people are in too much of a rush to find a significant other in SL.

Dating is like coffee, it is meant to be brewed slowly, flavored and enjoyed... or else you'll burn your tongue.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls


Durante las primeras semanas de empezar a salir con una persona, hay una serie de reglas no escritas que te dan una indicación clara de a donde ir, que camino seguir y a donde se dirige todo; se trata de disfrutar del descubrimiento mutuo, averiguar lo que le gusta y lo que no, la música que escucha y este camino de descubrimiento mutuo puede ser divertido, pero ¿cómo sabes si progresa de manera positiva ó es sólo sexo? ¿hay alguna manera de distinguirlos?


Hay una serie de cosas que solo las parejas hacen -ó aquellos que bordan la zona seria-, soy de quellos que creen firmemente que sólo los novios toman el desayuno juntos, ya sabes, quedarte a dormir, dormir abrazados y si hay suerte, despertate "feliz de verle" lo que conllevará a algo de diversión adicional antes de desayunar.

Ver una película juntos también es un claro indicativo de que las cosas progresan de manera positiva, pero esto sólo se aplica a el acto de ir al cine juntos, ver una peli en casa no cuenta ya que los polvos ocasionales -ó incluso los amigos con beneficios- usan por regla general esto como excusa para sexo.

¿Tienes algún signo claro de relación seria que no haya sido cubierto aquí? ¿qué hay del protocolo de citas en el second life? ¿Cambia ligeramente ó la gran mayoria de los chicos van directo al sexo y luego ven a ver a donde lleva? en mi experiencia personal sólo ha funcionado de manera pósitiva cuando he aplicado las reglas de la vida real a la experiencia de "salir" con alguien en el second life -tomarte el tiempo suficiente para conoceros-, ya que pienso que la mayoría de las personas tienen demasiada prisa por encontrar su media naranja en el second life.

Salir con alguien es como hacer café, tienes que hacerlo despacio, saborealo y disfrutarlo... o te quemas la lengua.

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Meet the boyfriend

As a parent, all you want out of life is that your kids are healthy, happy and well adjusted and on that road to happiness you can be regarded as the protective hell hound by all potentials who want to take away your precious little angels' virtues.

I am in no way fooling myself, both my sons are grown, so they are obviously sexually active, I simply rather both avoid and ignore the topic. Last night between nervous giggles and past negative experiences on his part when it came to dating, my youngest Seymour decided it was time I met "Mr. right" -or at least his idea of it-.

Seymour is a sweetheart, but his taste in men can be, to put it nicely, rather creative -most couldn't make full sentences that didn't include the word sex somewhere- and he had never taken the time to have me formally meet anyone, so I knew this had meaning. I must say that after what seemed a really long hour and a half -yes I counted- of me being inquisitive with the right amount of scary, I can publicly admit I like this new guy. He's verbose, complex, protective of my son -but not overly so and is also a single dad of baby twins.

You can't stop from feeling old when your son shows up at home with his other half, but it's a good thing. It means it's serious and he has taken the time to enjoy the dating process and is ready to move forward and make this person a significant part of his life; in our heads our children will always be those shriveled innocent little creatures that needed constant attention and supervision -no matter how old they get-, something they fail to see at times.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

Como padre, todo lo que quieres en la vida es que tus hijos estén sanos, sean felices y seres bien ajustados a la sociedad y en su largo recorrido en busqueda de la felicidad puedes ser visto por todos aquellos novios potenciales como el perro del infierno que guarda las virtudes de sus angelitos, de todos aquellos que intentan acceder a ellas.


No intento engañarme, mis hijos están crecidos, así que son obviamente sexualmente activos, pero puesto de manera simple, prefiero ignorar ó discutir el tema. Anoche entre risas nerviosas y experiencias negativas pasadas cuando se trataba de buscar un novio formal, mi pequeño Seymour decidió que era hora de que yo conociera a "el indicado" -ó por lo menos su idea del mismo-

Seymour es un cielo, pero su elección de novios puede caer en lo creativo -la mayoría no podían hacer una oración completa que no incluyera la palabra sexo en algún lado- y nunca se había tomado la molestia de presentarme a nadie de manera formal, así que sabía que este gesto tenía significado. Debo decir que después de lo que fué una largísima hora y media -si, la conté- de preguntas incisivas con pequeñas dosis de miedo y pánico por mi parte hacia el novio en cuestión, puedo admitir publicamente que me gusta el nuevo chico. Tiene una conversación fluída, es complejo, protector -pero no demasiado- y es también padre de dos bebés gemelos.

No puedes dejar de sentirmte viejo cuando uno de tus hijos se aparece en casa con su otra mitad, pero todo esto es positivo. Quiere decir que es una relación seria y que ambos se han tomado el tiempo para salir y conocerse a fondo y están listos para hacer progresos juntos; en nuestras mentes como padres, nuestros hijos serán siempre esas criaturas delicadas e inocentes que requerían atención constante -da igual cuán mayores se hagan-, algo que parecen ellos no ven a veces.

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The Sugar Daddy

I've always regarded courtship as working on a business deal, each party wants to get something out of the other one that will ultimately benefit themselves and to get this, they bring something the other person wants and doesn't have; some have looks, others have brains and a few lucky ones have money, or the whole thing.

Some people, this being second life or real life -more so in second life- skip the whole courtship process and get right down to business and this is where trouble starts, you can't seriously expect a good deal if you skip negotiation -I've seen people in second life go on dates and get engaged compulsively and within days-., you seriously need that leg room to get to know the person better, at least that's how I see it.

My best friend in RL has never, in her adult life experienced proper courtship; she's been married and divorced, goes on dates quite often but she has never been swept off her feet and made feel special. In her own words, it's always been her doing the courting. This all changed a few days back when she ran into an old friend who is twice her age and simply put, loaded -as in filthy rich-. So how does a man twice her age, to whom money has no meaning gets a single mom to pay him some attention?. Money is his asset, so he offers courting and all things she has not experienced until then -see what you could have principle-

How ethic is it for you allow a person that you know has 99 % of possibilities of failure, to throw sweet words and get you expensive presents that are beyond your reach? Well, the way I see it, is all in the negotiation; as long as this person knows his chances of success are slim and still insists on sharing his economic well being with you, all is fair in love and war.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls


Siempre he visto el cortejo como un trato de negocios, cada parte involucrada quiere conseguir algo que le beneficie y que el otro tiene y para conseguirlo, ofrecen algo que la otra no tiene ó que quiere tener; algunos son guapos, otros tienen inteligencia, y unos pocos afortunados tiene dinero o todo el conjunto.


Algunas personas, ya sea second life o la vida real -incluso más en el second life- se saltan la parte del cortejo y es allí donde los problemas comienzan, no puedes esperar que algo funcione si te saltas la negociación de lleno -he visto personas en el second life, quedar con gente y casarse compulsivamente en cuestión de días-, en serio, pienso que todos necesitamos un poco de margen para conocer a la otra persona mejor, o por lo menos es así como lo veo.

Mi mejor amiga fuera del second life, nunca ha sido cortejada en sus años de vida adulta; ha estado casada y divorciada, sale con chicos bastante a menudo pero nunca la han hecho sentir especial. En sus propias palabras, siempre ha sido ella la que ha hecho el cortejo y mostrado interés. Esto cambió hace unos días cuando se encontró con un viejo amigo que le dobla la edad y que puesto de manera simple tiene mucho dinero. Asi que ¿cómo se las arregla un hombre que te dobla la edad y para el cual el dinero no tiene significado alguno, que le pongas atención? El dinero es su mejor baza, así que durante el cortejo muestra todo aquello que podrías tener y que te estás perdiendo.

¿Cuán etico es que le permitas a una persona que sabes tiene el 99 % de posibilidades de fallo, que te hable bonito y te ofrezca regalos que en circunstancias normales están fuera de tu alcance?, el modo en el que yo lo veo, es todo parte de la negociación; siempre y cuando esta persona sepa que sus posibilidades son casi nulas y aún así insista encompartir su bienestar económico contigo, en el amor y en la guerra todo se vale.

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The right image

Sometimes one encounters situations in life where things that had been ignored for a number of reasons, come under a different light and that is due to -mostly- the right type of exposure. In marketing -for those who have businesses in real life or second life, will surely know what I'm talking about- most of the time is not what you sell that ends up being a success, but how you present it to the public.

Same thing happens with cruising or dating, is not what you got -which in your opinion is hot- but on how you induce the idea of sex to a potential sex partner. Dating has radically change over the past few years and this is caused by social networks; people don't go out as much looking for sex, risking to come empty handed, generally speaking people have created the habit of negotiating and meeting people online and then -if starts align-, meet in person.

But how faithful is it really our online persona from what you actually get? I am of the opinion that if you are serious about meeting someone in  person -even for coffee, don't abuse the photoshop and the agressive marketing as to up your chances, do highlight your best attributes, but keep it realistic. Nothing worse than expecting a porn star and ending up meeting mr Bean.

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls

A veces uno se encuentra con situaciones en la vida en donde las cosas que habían sido ignoradas por una serie de razones, encuentra una luz diferente y que se debe a que, en su mayoría-el tipo correcto de exposición. En marketing, para aquellos que tienen negocios en la vida real o de Second Life, seguramente sabes de qué estoy hablando más de las veces no es lo que se vende lo que termina siendo un éxito, sino cómo se presentan al público.

Lo mismo ocurre con el cruising o las citas, no es lo que tienes, que en su opinión es en caliente, sino de cómo se induce la idea del sexo a una pareja sexualpotencial. Citas ha un cambio radical en los últimos años y esto es causado por las redes sociales, la gente no sale tanto en busca de sexo, con el riesgo de venir con las manos vacías, por lo general la gente ha creado el hábito de la negociación y conocer gente en línea y luego -si se inicia una alineación, conocerse en persona.

Pero cuán fiel que es realmente nuestro personaje en línea de lo que realmente se obtiene? Yo soy de la opinión de que si eres serio en lo de conocer a alguien en persona, incluso para un café, no abuses del photoshop y la comercializaciónagresiva para aumentar tus posibilidades, destaca tus mejores atributos, peromantenlo realista. No hay nada peor que esperar a una estrella del porno y terminar encuentrandose al Sr. Bean.

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Will & Grace: the other "GAY marriage"

Of all the possible relationship combinations that exist in life, one that was recently popularized by a TV show and which happens more often than people would imagine is the somewhat dysfunctional Will & Grace relationship combo.

He's gay, cute, successful & single and so is she, they have been friends forever and even move in together at some point; they are for all intends and purposes a couple.
Are faghag / gay unions factual and possible in the long run? Does this bond fade when one of them finds happiness on a meaningful relationship that includes sex? It should not be the case if Love is true & the friendship strong -i.e. One is not using the other to compensate for having a crappy love life, until mr. Right comes along-

One of the things I've learned in life and which makes me frown when sectors strongly opposse gay unions is that happiness, families and bonds are like balloons... Come in all shapes and sizes but the final use is still the same

https://www.facebook.com/spikecls