Le Femboy Ralphie

Femboys have always had a somewhat tumultuous and almost non-existent presence in the LGTB community, with little if any places to gather as a community and usually banned from most clubs or public places where most gather, usually bearing the stigma of age-play; so taking advantage of my recent prolific inspirational phase, I decided today to write a long promised article to my friend Ralphie, about femboys.

The femboy term is generally used to describe teens who dress like girls and are mostly gay, but surprisingly enough also includes some straight boys who enjoy the androgynous look; one question I have constantly asked myself when it comes to them is, why not go and make the switch to a full on female? why decide to be somewhere in the middle? specially knowing that it is so hard for femboys in SL.

Apparently becoming a femboy is a slow progression and you finally get there, with the full knowledge that it is who you are, like nekos identify as such or furries, or bears and so on. Femboys love girl clothes, the feel comfortable feeling cute and girly, but don't like being identified as girls because simply put, they are not girls. Femboys get most of their inspiration from Asians, Yaoi, Manga and borrow from the culture, being literally outsourced from it -and most are heavy Jpop or Kpop lovers-

There are a few projects coming and focused to the femboy community, but as far as right now, nothing -apart from Twinktown, which is basically aimed at cruising- exists for them to gather and grow as a community. If you are curious or need extra info about this community, on how to become one or where to get you started Femboy Hunt, or Ralphie's 2nd life Fashion show are good places to get you started, including useful links and general information about its presence in SL.

If I must be frank, I have never made a difference when it comes to people and communities in SL, I always relate to the person behind the avi and I have never managed to wrap my head around the witch hunt that the gay community has towards those who are shorter than average -but then again I already wrote about that, quick flashback here-. You are who you are and in SL of all places, you are who you choose to be, I have met real monsters that looked "normal" and have made the strongest friendships with people who did not fit a canon.

This article is dedicated to all of you, the Ralphies, The Cappys and the many others out there, who stand firm on what they believe and who they have decided to be, Kudos to you, like Lady Monster once said -and this coming from a woman who has worn meat- "put your paws up, because you were born this way"

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Pet Peeves

A Pet Peeve is defined as the urban dictionary online as an unpleasant experience you cannot control, or a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as disturbing to themselves. While having coffee with my son this morning we started discussing a number of things we both find annoying when cruising, namely our pet peeves.

Personally speaking I find that all is good and valid when it comes to looking for sex online, but I took the time today to gather a list of the most recurrent and common ones so you can finally figure out why is it that you are not getting as lucky as you would like, or why some days it just takes so long. -in no particular order, just listing them as they come to mind-.

1. Take care of your overall appearance: in RL the most common pet peeves would be excessive body hair, smelly feet or bad breath, some people can't help it but in SL you really have no excuse, if you go out looking for sex like you just came out of Quasimodo's dungeon except the wait to be long and frustrating and most likely ending with you getting off on porn.

2. Know your audience: if you are into BDSM or have a particular fetish, cruise around SIMS with like-minded individuals, if your English is not very good, then go somewhere with people who can speak your language, any public or common cruising areas will simply mean arduous work and the equivalent of trying to find a needle in a haystack.

3. Play it cool: Flirting is fine, so is leading the chat into sex but anything too forward might scare your potential mr. right now away, don't offer sex right off the bat... most people hate it and it makes you look desperate.

4. No pictures: Don't ask for RL pictures or cock sizes or anything too specific unless you are sure the person is comfortable with it and it is listed on their profile. Most people are simply not willing to give out that sort of specific information and will most likely end the chat.

5. Work it: Use your charms, read the profile, figure out what buttons to push and what will the person most likely respond positively to -in short, put some muscle into it-, you can even introduce that knowledge into the intercourse, that will have the person asking for seconds. If you have an empty profile it means that you can't really be bothered and people will react likewise, so try to put at least some basic info in your profile.

6. Begging is for the homeless: Even if the person you are talking to is a friend or someone known for being easy, do not beg for sex, don't play the pity card or pull the heart strings to try and get yourself inside their pants, some people require a lot of work but the result is always mind blowing sex.

7. Chemistry, Chemistry, Chemistry: Most of the hottest sex you will have with people, will be the produce of your chemistry, how you two interact and respond to each other. Myself and many of my friends have even had sextext -this is sex by IM- with a person that was not even on the same SIM to begin with and I think of this fondly, namely because of the chemistry. If it's not happening don't force it, move on and find someone better.

8. An Orgasm is not the final frontier: Cumming is not a goal on itself and you will not get there if you make it your primary objective. Saying that you are a top when you are a bottom will be very obvious when it comes to the intercourse, the same applies to DOMS and SUBS, don't switch roles on the fly just to get off, trust me on this the other person WILL notice.

9. Santa had a list, you can too: Finding people again and again for sex can be time consuming and exhausting. If you manage to friend and keep a few around, even better, not only your circle of friends will be richer, but you will always have someone handy to discretely get off.

10. Don't kiss and tell: Going around bragging who you have slept with and what you did is tacky, keep it to yourself if you expect an encore.

Remember the golden rule, the orgasm is not your goal, the actual intercourse is. Sex should always be a pleasurable experience, being one of those cases where the thing that matters the most is the journey, not the destination -yes even the flirting-. And don't get offended if you fail to comply to any of the above and get made fun of by either the person you are trying to get to sleep with you or their friends, it comes with the territory.

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Choice

We are always presented with choices, everyday, each moment that passes and every decision we make, causes a slight turn in the path we follow making of this road we call life a winding one full of small possibilities that might change things for better or for worse.

I've always seen making a choice as diving into the sea or a lake, sometimes you are able to see the water you are plunging into, others you take a leap of faith or rely on hearsay to do it but in the end it is you the one who jumps into unknown waters.

Choosing and hence moving forward has always been driven by our need to seek and welcome change; you would think that with the many ups and downs and ongoing changes my life has always been through, I'd be one to happily welcome it, but my steady footing should never be confused with seeking change, in fact I am far from comfortable with it, but when I see that a situation around me has nothing else to offer me, I am more than happy to move onto better things, even if it means adventuring onto the unknown.

I chose 4 years ago to join SL and see what it had to offer, I and no other decided to move to the UK looking for better things, away from everything I knew as familiar and safe. I've chosen my friends and family in SL carefully and to this day, whenever it has been reciprocal, I have always welcomed anyone who has gone and come back with open arms, because that is what family is for after all, specially the one in SL which unlike in life, you choose.

If you are willing and able to take me into your life and make me a part of it, do it with everything I have to offer or don't do it at all, I am responsible for my own choices, past and future because when the time comes for me to move forward and take the plunge, I will do so with a steady pace and not even bat an eye.

It should be about that time when we all take responsibilities for things we do to ourselves and other people, instead of trying to hold others accountable for our own choices, that's like having an orgasm and then turning around and blaming the person next to you for it, no one forced you to strip and go through with it after all.

I make my own choices, I am responsible for my own actions and I will answer for them, eventually.

Happy Easter

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Benefits

Among the many things one gets to enjoy in second life, sex would be the top and foremost on my list, however, like many things people tend to over-complicate something as simple as sex online, but then again it being an imitation of life some drama is always expected, specially when dealing with primal urges and human emotions.

How many times have you heard of that friend -that one special friend we all have-, who just can't seem to be able to find happiness no matter how hard he tries and has made you go to his SL wedding, all four in less than a year?; truth be told, sex and love are not synonyms yet some tend to think they are. Mind blowing sex is not love, that's got a name already and is called lust.

One thing I have instilled on my kids as they were growing up in this complex virtual world is the simple fact that happiness is found in you and you have no one to answer to when it comes to it, other than yourself. My sons both are very sexually active -I am very much well aware- and both have struggled with finding the "right" person to settle down with, but like all things, this wait shall pass and the perfect someone will show up and make everything right.

In my particular case, I have found the perfect balance in a long term relationship with Hiro, while we both balance a few "friends with benefits" we have on the side, and this is the part where you wonder, why look for it out there when you have a loving partner at home you can use, abuse and experiment with?, simply because this is SL and sometimes getting organised around RL and the time difference is complex at best and I know -have the certainty even- that no matter who we entertain those empty hours when the urge comes a'knocking, that our hearts and feelings lie truly with each other.

Commitment and possession are far from being the same things and I have a few friends who struggle with this concept when facing SL relationships, oddly enough when it comes to RL relationships, I happen to be the most faithful partner out there but monogamy is simply a practice that doesn't seem to work when it comes to SL.

So if you have a few friends where the sexual tension is palpable, might as well give it a go; friends with benefits is an amazing invention, it is sex with a person you are close and comfortable with, where little instruction -if any- is needed, who most likely knows you well enough to know what buttons to push to drive you crazy and make of the intercourse a truly mind-blowing experience, where romantic love is simply not a factor.

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P.S: Big thanks to VICE POSES for providing poses for the article pics (link to the right) and to Andyy and my Son Zachy for posing for the pic, love you both.

Oral fixation

Out of the many erogenous zones that humans have, the most unsung and taken for granted would be our mouth; it's there with us but oddly enough it doesn't seem to be an active participant when it refers to foreplay or the actual intercourse perse.

Of course, stimulation and what triggers it varies with each person, and often finding out what works for you and your partner can be complex, but that's when experimenting - and how much fun it is to try again and again until you get it right - comes in handy.

Using your mouth as a sexual toy can be fun, you can combine this with food, with words, you can resort to licking, nibbling... I could go on and on but you get the general idea of what I mean. But using your mouth not only involves the physical aspect of it, during the actual intercourse some find it exciting to make your beloved organ of speech an active participant, namely by throwing some dirty talking.

But how do you know how much dirty talk is too much?, in SL emoting is all there is, unless you decide to voice during sex - so virtual sex is all about knowing how to stimulate your partner with words, as there is no physical contact -, in RL however there is a limit on using and abusing dirty talk, watch for responses on your partner and if your dialogue becomes a monologue, then it's time to focus on the pumping and shut up.

Remember your mouth is a powerful instrument, if you know how to use it.

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THE Pixel Gender

After straying from my regular topics, over the past few months, I have decided that my first post of 2013, would bring me back to the original idea of this blog, namely sex.

It has always been  my interest and goal for this blog, to be a faithful reflection of my coming and goings in SL and my experiences with sex and other individuals, but when you are married, no matter how inventive you try to be, your experiences -at least on the sexual plane- are still somewhat limited to your partner and what he/she decides to indulge in with you.

This being said, I will do the Carrie Bradshaw thing today -the columnist from the "Sex and the City" show-, and tell you about an issue one of my friends is having in SL, when it comes to gender orientation. My friend, who we will refer to as "F" -for friend-, has found himself semi-involved with a man in SL who does not have a penis, but in fact a vagina.

He admits that the first few times they got involved he was curious and the reason he kept on doing it again with this person, is because it was simply, pleasurable and different, but the more he has done it with him, the more complex it has become and F is now in fact very confused about his sexual orientation -which up to this point he'd consider as exclusively gay-; coming to me for advice -poor him-, I pointed out that the WHOLE SL experience is so varied and open for experimentation, that one should not base what we do on it, as a faithful reflection of our RL selves.

A friend of mine compared SL to Narnia the other day on a FB post, and on this I have to agree, SL is this magical world, where we are all we can't be in RL, we do all we wish to with little, if any consecuences and at the end of the day, we leave "Narnia" only to find that very little has changed about us, this also applies to sex.

I know many people who do furry sex, have sex with horses, dogs and even those who enjoy being submissive to the point where they are treated as objects whilst in the platform, and this does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with you, a need is simply being fulfilled, IT is there and SL being so immersive, allows you to experience it in the safest way possible, without any VD or harmful after effects.

So when it comes to SL, and romantic relationships in there, there are some I like to refer as the "Pixel Gender", a whole new category of people, who are not really men, nor women and have succeeded in finding happiness whilst being their true selves, at least when they are logged in.

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Holy nipples

When you are out and about in the SL club scene -the gay clubs to be more specific-, you get exposed to a number of things, but to be more precise, I am referring to people's idea of beauty, "must have" trinkets that are trendy and all sort of kinks, in public display being worn by your beloved avatar persona.

Truth be told, before I go on dissecting and analyzing the reasons why people choose to follow a certain path or canon, that my avatar has evolved -and continues to do so- with things I add to it and which carry a special meaning or mark a situation that has signified a change -like aging in RL-, I have tattoos, prim hands, prim feet -I love having toes-, special eyes and my hair changes quite often.

The thing that compelled me to write this piece is the fact that I stumbled upon a person that looked as if he had fallen asleep and rolled over a pile of Xcite trinkets, this dude had it all but what specially called my attention were his super-sized nipples.

Remember people, things that seem like a good idea, might as well be in small doses, but doesn't necessarily mean that they will look well when shoved together on your avatar as to advertise your sexual kinks, there's a difference between SO much and TOO much, and sadly I don't mean just the word, always keep that in mind when trying to find the right look and balance for whatever it is you wish to convey as your fashion statement.

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Beach Balls

What kind of things or behaviors are accepted as sexual or non sexual during a cam chat among good friends? Is it the conversation that leads to it? is it the showing of attributes? in my personal opinion, anything related to sexual anatomy is directly and logically linked to sex; this might be too basic and simple to some, but I am sorry, they are called sexual organs, for a good reason.

During a recent argument with whom is now my husband, we stumbled upon opposite views on this topic. To him among gay friends, sexual innuendos and casual chat that includes flirting do not necessarily lead to sex and the actual flirting that leads to intercourse does have very different coloring.

I am not one to take things literally, but to me there's flirting and there's flirting, if you are leading up a chat on Skype (to name a popular cam platform) to sex, with a friend who is not expecting sex out of you, you will carefully pick various topics that surrounds sex imagery to finish with a clear view of your attributes; that's not innocent, that's fishing for sex, but hey that's me.

All is fair in love and war, but do remember, no matter how clear and pure your intentions are, if it involves sex talk or the display of your genitalia, that is a chat aiming for sex, flirting or not.

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¿Qué tipo de cosas o comportamientos son aceptados como sexuales ó no durante una charla con cam entre dos buenos amigos? ¿Es acaso la conversación que conlleva a todo ello? ¿a lo mejor la muestra abierta de atributos? en mi opinión personal, cualquier cosa directamente relacionada con la anatomía sexual, está involucrada por logica simple al sexo; puede que esta postura sea demasiado básica y simple, pero lo siento, se les llama organos sexuales por una buena razón.


Durante una discusión reciente con el que es a dia de hoy mi marido, nos encontramos con puntos de vista opuestos en este tema. Para él, entre amigos gay, los inuendos sexuales y la charla casual que incluye el coqueteo no siempre lleva al sexo de manera inmediata y el coqueteo sexual tiene en realidad un color muy distinto.


No soy de los que se toma este tipo de cosas de manera literal, pero en mi humilde opinion, hay diferentes tipos de coqueteos. Si tienes intención de que una charla de skype (para nombrar una plataforma de cams popular) conlleve al sexo, con un amigo que no espera sexo, escogerás cuidadosamente tópicos que conlleven al mismo, acabando con un muy clara vista de tus atributos, y eso no es nada inocente, eso es ir buscando tema, pero hey, es mi punto de vista.


Todo vale en el amor y en la guerra, pero recuerda, no importa cuán claras y puras sean tus intenciones, si involucra una charla sexual ó yus genitales, esa charla va dirigida al sexo, con coqueteo ó sin él


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Phonography

A gratifying sexual experience varies from person to person, but most of the time is focused on enjoying yourself while giving pleasure to the other person, while adding small doses of experimenting.

This is when you are referring to the RL intercourse, where you have a wide array of censorial stimuli at your disposal, but what happens with SL based relationships or those long distance relying on Skype and other means of communication to get by? that's when getting creative comes handy.

I used to be of the opinion that adding voice to the sex experience in SL was for the lazy types, as you can get the same amount of results, or sometimes even more with the proper emotes at the appropriate times, that is until I tried what Britney referred to as "Phonography"

Voice does add an extra punch to the experience, as you can literally hear how everything you are doing affects the other person, including then an extra ingredient that brings you a step closer to realism. Remember than either it being Skype, phone, or SL, most of the sexual pleasure you experience is psychosomatic -meaning it is not really there, but you can make your brain believe it is- and like I have mentioned before, it involves two people -three or more if that's your kink-, so make it fun and dare to try.

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Una experiencia sexual gratificante varía de persona a persona, pero la mayoría de las veces está enfocada en disfrutar mientras provees de placer a la otra persona, mientras añades las dosis adecuadas de experimentación.

Esto es en lo que se refiere a el acto sexual en la vida real, donde tienes una amplia gama de estimulos sensoriales a tu disposición, pero ¿qué ocurre con las relaciones basadas en el second life o a larga distancia que hacen uso de herramientas como el Skype y otros medios de comunicación? ahí es cuando la creatividad viene bien.

Solía ser de la opinión de que hacer uso de la voz en el second life era para los holgazanes, ya que puedes obtener el mismo tipo de resultados, ó incluso más con las palabras adecuadas en el momento preciso, esto era hasta que probé lo que Britney en su día se refirió como "Fonografía"

La voz no sólo añade un ingrediente extra a la experiencia, ya que puedes oír como todo lo que haces afecta a la otra persona, incluyendo así un ingrediente extra que te llevá mas cerca del realismo. Recuerda que ya sea en el Skype, por telefono, ó en el SL, la mayoría de el placer sexual que experimentas es psicosomático -es decir que no está presente pero le haces creer a tu cerebro de que es real- y como ya he mencionado en otras ocasiones, el sexo involucra a dos personas -o tres ó mas si es tu rollo-, así que haz del sexo algo divertido y atrevete a probar cosas nuevas.


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Gym Showers

The recent addition of a gym to our home SIM has brought to me this number of questions and theories I would like to elaborate on as I usually do. What brings out in us, as gay men -this is more focused on us boys even though I always try to be inclusive- the need to attend a gym? Most would say it's the need society has engraved on our brains of having a chiseled near to perfect physique -which takes a lot of work and compromise-.

This concerned to real life, but given the low -almost non-existent- offers when it comes to mostly non-sexual -stress on the mostly non-sexual- SL gyms, I do see where my son's plans were headed when he started the project, a social spot offering something we're lacking with the sexual option there if you'll have it. The gay community is centered, basically and mostly around sex; it is a nice way to kill time, and our avatars don't really need workouts, so there are showers, a massage table and other things to include sex in your overall gym experience, so I do understand the amount of attention the sauna and showers are getting.

But our avatars are influenced by the surroundings, the SL experience is brain centered -censorial to a point- and I have come to enjoy, as many others frequent users now, doing the whole circuit: running, weights, yoga, sauna, followed by a synchronized shower -meaning I shower in RL while my avatar is afk-, this on a daily basis and not always centered on sex -I'll have it if I'm offered, I am a man after all-. When it comes to real life though, I wonder if the showers get the same amount of attention ours in SL get; we do not have the same license to do things -or even get away with things- but after a nice work out, I do find comfort in a long shower and some eye candy, so possibly that is what we find alluring about gyms, workout for the body... and soul.

If you'd like to check it out, grab this towel and sneakers and join us

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La reciente adición de un gimnasio al SIM que llamamos hogar, ha traido ha mí muchas preguntas y teorías en las cuales pienso elaborar y compartir con ustedes como ya es costumbre. ¿Qué nos lleva como hombres gay -esto se centra más en los chicos, aunque siempre intento ser tan inclusivo como sea posible- a ir al gimnasio? La mayoría diría que es el concepto que la sociedad ha grabado en nuestro cerebros de tener un físico esculpido que roce la perfección -lo que requiere mucho trabajo y compromiso-.


Esto en lo que se refiere a la vida real, pero dado la poca -casi no existente- oferta de gimnasios en el SL no centrados exclusivamente en el sexo, empiezo a ver donde iban los planes de mi hijo cuando empezó este proyecto, un lugar social que oferte algo de lo que carecemos con la opción sexual, si te apetece. La comunidad gay está centrada, después de todo en el sexo, ya que es una forma estupenda de matar el tiempo, y nuestros avatares no necesitan ejercicio, así que también hay duchas, una mesa de masajes y otras muchas cosas para añadir el sexo a nuestra experiencia general en el gimnasio, así que comprendo la cantidad de tiempo que algunos le dedican a las duchas y la mucha atención que reciben.

Pero nuestros avatares están influenciados por su entorno, la experiencia del SL está centrada en el cerebro -es principalmente sensorial- y he llegado a disfrutar, como muchos usuarios habituales, de hacer el circuito completo: correr, pesas, yoga, sauna, seguido de una ducha sincronizada -es decir que yo me ducho mientras my avatar también lo hace-, esto es algo que hago a diario y no siempre centrado en el sexo -vamos que lo hago si la oportunidad se presenta que no soy de piedra-. Cuando se trata de la vida real, me pregunto si las duchas reciben la misma atención; no tenemos la misma libertad de hacer cosas que en el second life -o de salirnos con la nuestra en algunas- pero depués de una buena rutina de ejercicios, encuentro que alivio en una larga ducha y de algo de entretenimiento para la vista, así que a lo mejor esa sea la atracción que sentimos hacia los gimnasios, ejercicio para el cuerpo... y el alma.

Si quieres echarle un vistazo al gimnasio pilla la toalla y las zapatillas y unetenos.

Love-shack... Let's Love-shack baby

It being Second Life or Real life, moving in together is always a big step that requires deep thought and reflection. It may sound fun to have that special someone within reach 24 / 7 -some may even see it as an all you can eat buffet of your hunky better half- but do remember that there will always need to be room for compromises when accommodating a person in your very own sanctum of privacy.

Is not all about the sex, even thought the first few weeks will be all about that -hence the term love-shack- running around naked and christening or defiling every place of the house with some one on one loving, but once it all cools off is all about "learning" to be together.

Learning to work your way around each other's routines and habits you were previously unaware of can be fun and complex, but the key word is "respect"; those things were there before, you just didn't know they existed and it is only your good disposition, love and understanding which will make the experience rewarding and worth the effort.

Always keep your expectations real or on the low side, the happily ever after concept only works in fairy tales and movies, not in real life; getting unreal expectations from it will only either make you miserable when they are not met or end it all very soon. What brought this love-shack rant on? well, my second life better half just moved in with me today, so I figured I'd share this news and my input on the whole thing with all of you

Remember what Raymond Hull once said "All marriages are happy, it's the living together afterwards what causes the trouble"


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The Sex Evolution

As you get old and your sex experience improves, so does you general intercourse protocol. When you are a teenager is all about doing it, doing it often and doing it all the time, same applies to when you are on your twenties but your a bit more experienced so you go from doing it like bunnies to actually have a taste on who you interact with, there's the added factor however of getting to the point when you've tried it all before your bits get flabby - a very common fear among the gay community who have the general opinion that 30 and upwards is the end of fabulousness-

But then as you grow older and more experienced, sex gets to new levels of complexity, the things that turned you on and you fantasized about in the past lose their glitter and shine and achieving orgasm at all cost is no longer the one goal that drives your sex life -which does help improve your overall intercourse-.

Time in second life moves differently tho, a bit faster than that of real life -no real explanation but evolution and personal growth varies slightly and you do move quicker through personal experiences and growth, something I have pointed out in earlier posts- and surprisingly, so does you second life sex experience.

When you log in for the first time and you learn you can have sex if you snatch the right parts, is all about getting some of that and as much as you can, but then as you get deeper into the experience -I believe it was the first thing I went around looking for, but not something I am after as a main goal in second life lately- you learn there are so many options out there to improve the experience and which does indeed make a difference.

Like the old saying goes: "Is not about the destination but the road traveled", simply put is not all about cumming but how you get there...

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STROKE MY... Ego

The Internet and social platforms such as second life, give one the opportunity to explore many things, but second life has that added option of building yourself an alter ego, a virtual persona with its own image, feelings, agenda and background story; it all depends on how invested you get on it.

We build our avatars to be the perfect image of that person we wish to be, we cannot be or we wish we will get to be or we used to be -this applies to SL twinks- and we tweak bits and pieces as we go along our second lives; something that also gets built up however is our ego, which I have come to learn for some people, needs to be stroked and pampered properly to get the desire effect, as if it were a penis.

Let's get a few things straight and get the message out there to the millions of second lifers, or social platform users with blogs, profiles, groups or whatever you want to call them. Keep it real, keep it simple, do things because you want to do them and have something to share with people, not to build up your sense of self importance or compensate for a somewhat socially challenged real life.

I joined second life and do most social networks for a simple reason, as of right now; I feel I have something to share, it gives me the chance to explore my talents and dabble on areas that would be impossible for me in real life or would take tremendous effort or a huge financial investment to get me somewhat started or to the point I am now in second life. If you need your ego stroked through appraisal or approval, you need therapy not the internet, so maybe getting a REAL social life would help you work on your issues.

I'll stick to having the one thing that needs stroking, stroked and I'll do that in the privacy of my bedroom with the hot guy I like.

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